"STALAG 17"

                                      Screenplay by

                               Billy Wilder and Edwin Blum

                                    Based on a play by

                            Donald Bevan and Edmund Trzcinski

                                      SHOOTING DRAFT

                

                                       SEQUENCE "A"

               FADE IN:

               BARBED WIRE AGAINST A WINTRY NIGHT SKY

               Beyond it, more barbed wire. Ice has formed on the strands. 
               Now and then searchlight beams crisscross the pattern. As 
               the CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES along the double fence, SUPERIMPOSE -

               THE CREDIT TITLES

               THE GREAT CAMP - (NIGHT)

               A wide expanse of barren ground checkered with clusters of 
               barracks, sectioned off into compounds by double barbed-wire 
               fences, nine feet high. Searchlights sweep over the barracks, 
               the muddy ground with the snow patches, and the pine forest 
               beyond the barbed-wire. The searchlights come from the goon 
               towers -- little guard houses elevated on poles -- 
               interspersed along the fences.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                              (with an occasional 
                              stammer)
                         I don't know about you, but it always 
                         make me sore when I see those war 
                         pictures -- all about flying leather-
                         necks and submarine patrols and 
                         frogmen and guerillas in the 
                         Philippines. I don't want to take 
                         anything away from those guys, but 
                         what gets me is that there never was 
                         a movie about P.O.W.s -- about 
                         prisoners of war. Now my name is 
                         Clarence Harvey Cook, -- they call 
                         me Cookie. I was shot down over 
                         Magdeburg, Germany back in 43. That's 
                         why I stammer a little once in a 
                         while, especially when I get excited 
                         and I always get excited when I talk 
                         about Stalag 17. I spent two and a 
                         half years in Stalag 17. Stalag is 
                         the Kraut word for prison camp and 
                         number 17 was somewhere near Krems 
                         on the Danube. There were about forty 
                         thousand P.O.W.s there, if...

               OUR COMPOUND

               In the foreground the big gate. Above it a sign: STALAG 17-
               D. On both sides of the gate German guards in heavy coats, 
               rifles slung over their shoulders. They stomp about in 
               enormous boots with high cork soles to keep warm. Beyond the 
               gate about eight low barracks form a U about the Appell-
               ground. They are primitive one-story wooden structures all 
               set up on stilts about two feet high. From one of the 
               buildings -- the Administration Building -- flies the 
               swastika. In between the barracks are the wash latrines. A 
               road runs through the slushy compound to the compound beyond.

               ONE OF THE GOON TOWERS

               A couple of German guards up there, one at the machine gun, 
               the other working the searchlight.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         you bothered to count the Russians 
                         and the Poles and the Czechs. In our 
                         Compound there were about six hundred 
                         and thirty of us -- all American 
                         airmen, all shot down by the Krauts -- 
                         radio operators, gunners and engineers -- 
                         all sergeants. Now you put six hundred 
                         and thirty sergeants together and 
                         boinnnnng! -- you've got yourself a 
                         situation! There was more fireworks 
                         shooting off around that place! Take 
                         for instance the story about the spy 
                         we had in our barrack. It was about 
                         a week before Christmas in '44 and 
                         two of our guys -- Manfredi and 
                         Johnson to be exact -- were just 
                         getting set to blow the joint...

               THE HUNDEFUEHRER

               A German guard plodding along inside the barbed wire with 
               four mean mastiffs straining at the leash. The light from 
               the goon tower grazes over him.

               ONE OF THE BARRACKS

               The light sweeps slowly over the long shack. Catches the 
               sign: BARACKE 4. Catches one of the doors, locked from outside 
               with a heavy wooden bar.

               INSIDE BARRACK

               Bunks on both sides. Tripledecked bunks. In the bunks seventy-
               five American P.O.W.s huddled in blankets. In between the 
               bunks, in the little space left to them, crude tables, an 
               iron stove, makeshift stools. Every inch crowded with whatever 
               they have. Up above and all the way down the barrack hangs 
               their wash. Over all of it, the heavy stench of seventy-five 
               men cooped up. From outside through the broken, patched 
               windows the searchlight sweeps over the bunks. The men are 
               all asleep. Or are they?

               THE FAR END OF THE BARRACK

               This is the strategic spot of the story. In the five tiers 
               of bunks live our major characters.

               In the upper bunk lies HOFFY. Little fellow. Plenty of 
               authority. The Barrack Chief. His eyes are wide open. He is 
               studying his wristwatch, the phosphorescent numerals shining 
               in the dark.

               In the other bunks lie the others, wide awake, tense:

               DUKE, big bellyacher.

               TRIZ, six-foot-three, ninety-eight pounds.

               PRICE, the barrack Security Chief. Quiet, touch of class.

               MANFREDI, no cover, fully dressed.

               HARRY, bug-eyed, cocky.

               BLONDIE, fair-skinned, boyish.

               JOHNSON, fully dressed like Manfredi. Scared.

               SEFTON, casual. In his mouth a cold cigar butt.

               Hoffy again. Still staring at the wristwatch. This is the 
               moment. He lifts the metal dogtags off his chest and jiggles 
               them. This is the signal.

               Duke instantly slides out of the bunk, grabs up his blanket 
               and moves toward the window. A searchlight beam sweeps across. 
               Duke goes flush on the ground. The light passes on. Duke 
               gets up again and starts hanging the blanket over the window.

               Now the others go into action, silently, efficiently. Except 
               for Manfredi and Johnson they are all in long winter 
               underwear, some in slacks and socks.

               As for Sefton, he is lying in his bunk just watching them.

               Blondie hangs a blanket over the window. Triz swings one 
               over the clothesline to shield off their end of the barrack.

               Hoffy and Price light a couple of handmade lamps: margarine 
               in tin cans with the wick stuck inside.

               Manfredi and Johnson are putting on their leather jackets.

               Harry tries to awaken STOSH in the bunk above him. The wooden 
               boards around Stosh's bunk are plastered with Betty Grable 
               cheesecake. Harry pokes him. Stosh does not respond. Harry 
               interlocks his fingers, puts them close to Stosh's ears and 
               cracks them in a SHARP SALVO. Stosh opens his eyes, dazed. 
               Harry pats Stosh's cheek.

                                     HARRY
                              (in a whisper)
                         Get up, Animal! Betty Grable's on 
                         the phone!

               Stosh gives him a dirty look. Gets out of the bunk. He and 
               Harry move to the little iron stove. Triz is already 
               dismantling the pipe above the stove. Harry and Stosh lift 
               the stove and start inching it to one side.

               Hoffy moving to a large bucket of water. It is a trick job: 
               a bucket within a bucket. He lifts out the shallow inner 
               part with the water. Hidden underneath are some civilian 
               clothes. He takes them out, crosses to Manfredi and Johnson. 
               (All the dialogue in this scene in whispers, of course.)

                                     HOFFY
                         Here's your civilian clothes, boys.

                                     MANFREDI
                         Okay, Hoffy.

               Duke takes the clothes from Hoffy and starts stuffing them 
               into a small barrack bag.

                                     HOFFY
                         Bury your Army outfits before you 
                         get out of the forest.

                                     MANFREDI
                         Okay.

                                     HOFFY
                         The compass is the top button on 
                         your pants, Johnson.

                                     JOHNSON
                         Okay.

               Sefton, propped up in his bunk, watches the proceedings with 
               a pitying little smile. He eyes wander to Harry and Stosh. 
               By now they have moved the stove some four feet to the side, 
               and start carefully lifting some sawed-off planks out of the 
               floor.

               Blondie is standing watch by the blanket-covered window, 
               peeking out.

               Price slips a wire hook down into the crack between a bunk 
               and the wall, fishes out a sheaf of papers and walks to 
               Manfredi and Johnson.

                                     PRICE
                         Anybody asks for your papers, you're 
                         French laborers.

               He hands them the papers.

                                     PRICE
                         Your map -- your Kraut money -- Swiss 
                         francs.

                                     MANFREDI
                         Roger.

                                     PRICE
                         Now, let's hear it once more, boys.

                                     JOHNSON
                         We've been over it a hundred times.

                                     HOFFY
                         Let's hear it again.

                                     MANFREDI
                         We stick to the forest going west 
                         until we hit the Danube --

                                     PRICE
                         Check.

                                     JOHNSON
                         Then follow the Danube up to Linz --

                                     PRICE
                         Check.

                                     JOHNSON
                         In Linz we hop a barge and go all 
                         the way to Ulm --

               From OFF come the WEIRD SOUNDS of an ocarina being played. 
               They turn.

               It's JOEY in his bunk playing the sweet potato. He's nuts 
               all right.

                                     DUKE
                         Stop it, Joey -- go to sleep!

               Joey hides the ocarina behind his back, afraid they may take 
               it away.

                                     PRICE
                         (to Johnson)
                         Go on. You're in Ulm.

                                     JOHNSON
                         Once in Ulm we lie low until night, 
                         then take a train to Friedrichshafen.

                                     MANFREDI
                         Then once in Friedrichshafen we steal 
                         a rowboat, get some fishing tackle, 
                         and start drifting across the lake -- 
                         always south -- until we hit the 
                         other side -- Switzerland.

               Sefton has gotten out of his bunk, and is picking up the 
               margarine lamp.

                                     SEFTON
                         Bingo. Once in Switzerland, just 
                         give out with a big yodel so we'll 
                         know you're there. It's a breeze, 
                         boys.

               He lights his cigar butt with the margarine lamp. Manfredi 
               and Johnson shoot him a nervous glance.

                                     HOFFY
                         Stay out of it, Sefton.

                                     SEFTON
                         Just one question. Did you calculate 
                         the risk?

               Harry and Stosh have by now removed the loose planks off the 
               floor. A small black hole gapes below them.

                                     HARRY
                         Ready.

               Hoffy, Price, Manfredi and Johnson move toward the trap door, 
               Johnson carrying the barrack bag. Hoffy looks at his watch.

                                     HOFFY
                         You got ten minutes to get through 
                         the tunnel. That'll bring you out 
                         just when the Jerries are changing 
                         shifts.
                              (Turns to window)
                         Blondie?

               Blondie gives him the high sign.

                                     HOFFY
                              (to Manfredi and 
                              Johnson)
                         Okay, boys -- peel off.

               There are handshakes, goodbyes and good-lucks.

                                     STOSH
                         When you get going on those broads, 
                         think of me!

                                     HARRY
                         Animal! Animal! Aren't you ashamed 
                         of yourself? A couple of guys are 
                         trying to escape and you're thinking 
                         of broads. Broads?

               He does a take.

                                     JOHNSON
                              (with feeling)
                         We'll miss you, you cruds.

               He turns and climbs down through the trap. Before Manfredi 
               follows him, he turns away, goes down on his knee, crosses 
               himself quickly.

               UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

               Johnson has already landed on the ground. Manfredi slips 
               down. They look around and start crawling off in the direction 
               of the latrine.

               INT. BARRACK 4 - (SHOOTING UP THROUGH TRAP)

               Stosh is peering after them, his head hanging down through 
               the trap from above. Beyond him in the barrack, Hoffy, Price 
               and Duke bend over Stosh, waiting for developments.

               UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

               From Stosh's point of view: Manfredi and Johnson have now 
               reached the end of the barrack and are crawling into the 
               compound towards the wash latrine some fifteen feet away. A 
               searchlight sweeps dangerously towards them.

               INT. BARRACK

               Stosh pulls up from the trap, his eyes closed, his fingers 
               in his ears. He doesn't want to see or hear the two out there 
               get shot. The others stand petrified. No shots, no screams. 
               So Stosh bends down into the trap again.

               EXT. BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)

               Manfredi and Johnson just manage to fling themselves back 
               under the barrack as the searchlight sweeps past. Then, they 
               get on their feet again and dash to the wash latrine -- just 
               ahead of another searchlight from the other direction.

               INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)

               A primitive, roofless structure, with wooden partitions 
               shielding it from the outside. Above, a water tank with pipes 
               running down to spigots over a trough. Under the trough, a 
               wooden lattice to stand on.

               Manfredi and Johnson have reached first base. They stand 
               breathless. Then Manfredi picks up the lattice, leans it 
               against the trough, and lifts a dirt-covered trap leading 
               into the tunnel. Johnson has tied the barrack bag to his own 
               ankle. They HEAR BARKING. Freeze.

               THE HUNDEFUEHRER

               Leading the mastiffs past the wash latrine. One of the 
               mastiffs is BARKING. He seems to smell something, but the 
               other dogs pull him along.

               INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)

               Manfredi and Johnson wait until the BARKING fades in the 
               distance. Johnson, the barrack bag tied to his ankle, jumps 
               down into the narrow vertical shaft. Manfredi follows. He 
               pulls the trap shut over his head in such a way that the 
               lattice falls into place on top of it.

               THE TUNNEL

               A shaft about three feet square and five feet deep leads 
               into a narrow, crudely shored-up tunnel. Johnson and Manfredi 
               light their Zippo lighters and start worming their way through 
               the tunnel, Johnson leading the way, the barrack bag dragging 
               from his ankle.

               INT. BARRACK

               Harry and Stosh moving the stove back into place. Hoffy fixing 
               up the trick bucket. Price pacing up and down. Sefton leaning 
               against a bunk, smoking the cigar.

                                     HOFFY
                         They ought to be under the barbed 
                         wire soon.

                                     BLONDIE
                              (still covering the 
                              window)
                         Looks good outside.

                                     STOSH
                         I hope they hit the Danube before 
                         dawn.

                                     PRICE
                         They got a good chance. This is the 
                         longest night of the year.

                                     TRIZ
                         I bet you they make it to 
                         Friedrichshafen all right.

                                     STOSH
                         I bet they get all the way to 
                         Switzerland!

                                     SEFTON
                         And I bet they don't even get out of 
                         the forest.

               They all look at him.

                                     DUKE
                         Now what kind of a crack is that?

                                     SEFTON
                         No crack. Two packs of cigarettes 
                         say they don't get out of the forest.

                                     HOFFY
                         That's enough, Sefton. Crawl back 
                         into your sack.

                                     HARRY
                         He'd make book on his own mother 
                         getting hit by a truck!

               Sefton takes two packs of cigarettes from his pocket and 
               throws them on the table.

                                     SEFTON
                         Anybody call?

                                     HOFFY
                         Go on, Sefton -- butt out!

                                     DUKE
                         Wait a minute, Hoffy -- I want to 
                         back those kids. I'll cover ten of 
                         that.

               He starts shaking cigarettes out of his pack onto the table.

                                     TRIZ
                         I'll take five.

                                     PRICE
                         Eight.

                                     HOFFY
                         Put me down for ten, you louse.

                                     DUKE
                              (throwing two packs 
                              on the table)
                         I'll call the whole pot.

                                     SEFTON
                         Whatever you say.
                              (calling off)
                         Hey, Cookie -- get me some more 
                         cigarettes.

               COOKIE, a chipmunk of a kid, scrambles down from his bunk -- 
               the one above Sefton's. Drags out a footlocker from under 
               Sefton's bunk. The footlocker is chained to the bunk-post. 
               Cookie opens it, starts taking cigarettes out.

               About twelve guys are around Sefton by now, making their 
               bets.

                                     HARRY
                         Here's two and a half.

                                     SEFTON
                         No butts.

               Cookie comes over with a carton.

                                     COOKIE
                              (With a stammer)
                         W-w-will that do or do you want some 
                         m-m-m --?

                                     SEFTON
                         That'll do.

               He rips open the carton.

                                     SEFTON
                         Speak up, boys. Any more sports in 
                         the crowd?

               INSIDE TUNNEL

               Johnson and Manfredi crawling on, by the light of their 
               Zippos. Johnson dragging the bag behind him. They are dripping 
               with perspiration. From above comes a little shower of loose 
               earth.

               Johnson stops as he comes to the end of the tunnel. There is 
               another shaft leading up. He picks up a rusty can and starts 
               digging at the earth above.

               20. THE OPEN GROUND ABOVE - (NIGHT)

               In the pine forest some thirty feet outside the barbed wire. 
               From the goon towers, the lights sweep over the camp and 
               over the edge of the forest.

               The tin can thrusts through the ground as Johnson digs into 
               the open. Then, when the opening is wide enough, he climbs 
               out, his face covered with sweat and dirt. He helps Manfredi 
               out. They lie on the ground for a moment, exhausted. Then 
               Johnson starts untieing the bag from his ankle.

                                     MANFREDI
                         Let's go.

               He rises. There is a SHARP BURST of MACHINE GUN FIRE. Manfredi 
               falls instantly. Johnson, not knowing where the gunfire is 
               coming from, tries to turn and run, the bag dragging behind 
               him.

               From a hillock about thirty feet off a MACHINE GUN, manned 
               by three German guards, is blasting away.

               A light from one of the goon towers picks up Johnson, running. 
               The machine gun gets him, ripping his chest. He spins and 
               crumples to the ground. The light swings to Manfredi. 
               Bleeding, he tries to crawl back to the safety of the tunnel. 
               There is another BURST of FIRE --

               INSIDE BARRACK

               The men have all run to the window and look out.

               All except Sefton and Cookie. They stand at the table where 
               the cigarettes are. And in back of them: Joey, sitting in 
               his bunk, comprehending nothing.

               There is another BURST of FIRE. Then all is silent. The men 
               turn back into the room, sickened.

                                     BLONDIE
                         Filthy Krauts!

                                     DUKE
                         What slipped up, Hoffy?

                                     HOFFY
                         Don't ask me. Price was elected 
                         Security.

                                     DUKE
                              (To Price)
                         Okay, Security -- what happened?

                                     PRICE
                         I wish I knew. We had everything 
                         figured out. To the last detail.

                                     STOSH
                         Maybe the Krauts knew about that 
                         tunnel all the time!

                                     HARRY
                         Shut up, Animal!

                                     STOSH
                         Maybe they were layin' for 'em out 
                         there!

                                     SEFTON
                              (casually)
                         Yeah. Maybe.

               He gives Cookie a sign. Cookie pulls the front of his shirt 
               out of his pants and holds it out against the edge of the 
               table. Sefton sweeps the mass of cigarettes into Cookie's 
               shirt.

                                     DUKE
                         Hold it, Sefton. So we heard some 
                         shots -- so who says they didn't get 
                         away?

                                     SEFTON
                         Anybody here wanna double their bet?

               No answer. He nods to Cookie again. Cookie carries the 
               cigarettes to their bunks. Sefton follows him, kicks open 
               the footlocker. Cookie dumps the loot in.

               The men are looking at them. Stosh sees a cigarette on the 
               floor which Cookie has dropped. He picks it up and tosses it 
               into Sefton's footlocker viciously.

                                                                  FADE OUT:

                                   END OF SEQUENCE "A"

                                       SEQUENCE "B"

               FADE IN:

               THE CAMP - DAWN

               Another miserable day has begun. The barracks loom in the 
               murky light.

               From the Administration Building -- the one with the swastika -- 
               come a dozen German guards, Lugers hanging from their belts. 
               They spread out and cross the muddy compound toward the 
               barracks, BLOWING WHISTLES shrilly. They lift the wooden 
               bars off the doors and go inside.

               FELDWEBEL SCHULZ has arrived at Barrack 4. He is an enormous 
               man, about fifty-five. His cauliflower ears make a good 
               vegetable for his pig-knuckle face. He removes the bar, opens 
               the door, stands there WHISTLING like a madman, enters.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         Funny thing about those Krauts. They 
                         hated the sight of us yet they 
                         couldn't wait to look at us again. 
                         Every morning -- at six on the dot -- 
                         they'd have the Appell -- that's 
                         roll call to you. Each barrack had 
                         its own alarm clock. Our alarm clock 
                         was Johann Sebastian Schulz. I 
                         understand the Krauts had a composer 
                         way back with the Johann Sebastian 
                         in it -- but I can tell you one thing: 
                         Schulz was no composer. He was a 
                         Schweinehund. Oh, Mother -- was he 
                         ever a lousy Schweinehund!

               INT. BARRACK

               Schulz is marching down the barrack, beating the bunks with 
               his stick.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Aufstehen, gentlemen! Appell! Raus! 
                         Hurry up!

               Men start sliding out of their bunks. Others roll over in 
               their sacks, groaning.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         You must get up for roll call! Raus, 
                         raus, gentlemen! Everybody aufstehen! 
                         Raus!

                                     MEN
                         We heard you, Schulz!
                         And good morning to you!
                         Aw, break it off!
                         Why don't you take that whistle and 
                         shove it!
                         Tell the Kommandant I've got 
                         dysentery! 
                         Shut up, Schulz -- you're talking to 
                         sergeants of the United States Air 
                         Force! 
                         Look at this chilblain. Ain't it a 
                         beaut!

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Raus! Raus! Aufstehen!

               Whacking the bunks, Schulz has reached our end of barrack. 
               Hoffy and Price are getting into their clothes.

                                     HOFFY
                         Come on, sack rats -- cut the bitchin' 
                         and get up!

               Duke, Triz and Blondie start climbing out, yawning and 
               scratching themselves.

                                     PRICE
                         Say, Schulz -- you guys had machine 
                         gun practice last night?

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (throwing up his hands)
                         Ach, terrible! Such foolish boys. 
                         Such nice boys. I'd better not talk 
                         about it. It makes me sick to my 
                         stomach.

                                     DUKE
                         You killed them, huh? Both of them?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Such nice boys! It makes me sick to --

                                     DUKE
                         Don't wear it out!

               Schulz moves to Joey. Joey is sitting in his bunk, TOOTLING 
               on his ocarina. Schulz raps the sweet potato with his stick.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Outside! You, too! Put away the 
                         piccolo!

               Joey hides the sweet potato, staring at Schulz, frightened. 
               Schulz jerks him off the bunk.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Los, los. Dummkopf!

                                     HOFFY
                              (pushing in)
                         Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness. 
                         He's krank.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Sometimes I think he is fooling us 
                         with that crazy business.

                                     HOFFY
                         Yeah? How would you like to see the 
                         guts of nine pals splattered all 
                         over your plane?
                              (to Joey)
                         C'mon Joey -- don't be afraid.

               He helps him up and starts putting clothes on him.

               Schultz has approached bunk with Harry and Stosh. He pokes 
               Harry with the stick.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Aufstehen, gentlemen! Please! You do 
                         not want to stay in bed on such a 
                         beautiful morning we are having today!

                                     HARRY
                         Say, Schulz --

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Jawohl?

                                     HARRY
                         Sprechen Sie deutsch?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Jawohl.

                                     HARRY
                         Then droppen Sie dead!

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (splitting his sides)
                         Ja -- ja! Droppen Sie dead! Always 
                         mit the jokes! Droppen Sie dead!

               He pokes Stosh with the stick.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Aufstehen! Appell!

               He moves on.

               Harry bends over Stosh, shaking him.

                                     HARRY
                         Get up, Animal. Come on!

               Stosh doesn't budge. Harry again gives him a knuckle-cracking 
               salvo. Stosh opens his eyes automatically.

                                     HARRY
                              (sweetly)
                         Good morning, Animal! What'll it be 
                         for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with 
                         little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny-
                         side up? Griddle cakes? A waffle?

                                     STOSH
                         Stop it, Harry!

                                     HARRY
                         Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little 
                         cocoa?

                                     STOSH
                              (grabbing him by the 
                              collar)
                         Why do you do this to me every 
                         morning?

                                     HARRY
                              (with sadistic speed)
                         Hamburger and onions! Strawberry 
                         shortcake! Gefillte fish! Banana 
                         split! French fried potatoes! Chicken 
                         a la king!

               The last items are coming out with a gurgling SOUND as Stosh 
               tightens the grip on Harry's neck.

                                     STOSH
                         I'll kill you, Harry -- so help me!

                                     HARRY
                         Let go, Animal! It's roll call! Hitler 
                         wants to see you!

               Sefton is standing near his bunk, getting dressed. Cookie is 
               helping him to zip up his luxurious flyer's boots.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Good morning, Sefton.

                                     SEFTON
                         Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs. 
                         Schulz? And all the little Schulzes?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Fine -- fine!

               He looks at the two bunks which were occupied by Manfredi 
               and Johnson. Takes off his gloves.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Let us see. We have now two empty 
                         bunks here.
                              (takes out pencil and 
                              notebook, writes)
                         Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer 
                         dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier.

                                     PRICE
                         Suppose you let those mattresses 
                         cool off a little -- just out of 
                         decency?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Ja, ja, gewiss! It is only that we 
                         are cramped for space with new 
                         prisoners every day.
                              (to the whole barrack)
                         Gentlemen! Outside! Please! Do you 
                         want me to have trouble with the 
                         Kommandant again!

               He starts herding them out the door.

                                     STOSH
                         Hey, Schulz -- as long as you're 
                         going to move somebody in -- how 
                         about a couple of those Russian 
                         broads?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Russian women prisoners?

                                     HARRY
                         Jawohl!

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Some are not bad at all.

                                     STOSH
                         Just get us a couple with big 
                         Glockenspiels.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Ja! Ja! Droppen Sie dead!

               Splitting his sides, he pushes them out, and follows.

               EXT. COMPOUND - COLD GREY MORNING

               Most of the P.O.W.s are out of their barracks by now. A mass 
               of freezing, disheveled men. Some wear Army coats over their 
               underwear, knitted caps pulled down over their ears. Some 
               are huddled in blankets, their feet in wooden clogs. Only a 
               few are fully dressed and shaven. A few are on crutches or 
               bandaged up.

               They assemble before their respective barracks, forming a U 
               facing the center of the compound. The barrack chiefs are 
               assisting the guards in lining them up, fifteen abreast and 
               five deep.

               Supervised by Schulz and Hoffy the last ones from Barrack 4 
               emerge.

                                     HOFFY
                         All right, men -- fall in!

               From off comes:

                                     GERMAN OFFICER'S VOICE
                         Ach-tung! Abzaehlen!

               The HUB-BUB dies down.

               The guards march down the front line of their barrack groups, 
               counting the lines of five in German.

               As Schulz passes him, Blondie spots something in the middle 
               of the compound. He nudges Duke. Duke nudges Price, Price 
               Harry, Harry Stosh, Stosh Cookie. Cookie nudges Sefton who 
               is putting on his wool gloves. The glove drops. They all 
               look off in the same direction.

               In the center of the compound, right smack in the mud, lie 
               the corpses of Johnson and Manfredi, covered with a blanket. 
               You know it's them because Johnson's foot is sticking out, 
               with the barrack bag still tied to it.

               A stir goes through the men of Barrack 4. They are hit hard. 
               All but Sefton. He looks at the corpses for a moment, then 
               bends down, picks up the glove and starts putting it on.

               In front of the Administration Building a German Lieutenant 
               has been supervising a couple of guards as they lay narrow 
               planks over the mud in a line leading to the middle of the 
               compound. He turns now to the P.O.W.s.

                                     GERMAN LIEUTENANT
                         Parade Atten-tion!

               The German guards come to rigid attention. The Americans 
               just stand there, sullenly.

               The Lieutenant comes to a heil salute. Through the open door 
               of the Administration Building steps the Kommandant, OBERST 
               VON SCHERBACH, followed by another Lieutenant. Von Scherbach 
               is a big erect officer of the Potsdam School. Over his 
               shoulder hangs a furlined officer's coat. His boots shine 
               like polished glass. He glances over the compound, then walks 
               down the planks, followed by the two Lieutenants, marching 
               through the mud on both sides of him. Von Scherbach stops at 
               the end of the plank. In front of him lies a deep puddle. He 
               clicks his heels and raises his hand in a heil salute.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Guten Morgen, Sergeants!

               A glowering silence from the men. Von Scherbach lowers his 
               hand.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Nasty weather we're having, eh? And 
                         I so much hoped that we could give 
                         you a white Christmas -- just like 
                         the ones you used to know... Aren't 
                         those the words that clever little 
                         man wrote -- you know the one who 
                         stole his name from our capital -- 
                         that something-or-other Berlin?

               He waits until his nasty little joke sinks in. Schulz has 
               come up to the Lieutenant, salutes and hands him the slips 
               of paper with the prisoner count.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Look at that mud. Come spring -- and 
                         I do hope you'll still be with us 
                         next spring -- we shall plant some 
                         grass here -- and perhaps some 
                         daffodils --

               He turns to the Lieutenant for the tabulations.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Ich bitte!

                                     LIEUTENANT
                              (checking the papers)
                         Melde gehorchsamst: 628 Gefangene. 
                         Zwei Mann fehlen in Baracke vier.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                              (to the P.O.W.s)
                         I understand we are minus two men 
                         this morning. I am surprised at you, 
                         gentlemen. Here I am trying to be 
                         your friend and you do these 
                         embarrassing things to me. Don't you 
                         know this could get me into hot water 
                         with the High Command? They do not 
                         like men escaping from Stalag 17 - 
                         especially, not enemy airmen from 
                         Compound D. We plucked you out of 
                         the skies and now we must see to it 
                         you do not fly away. Because you 
                         would come back and blast our cities 
                         again. The High Command would be 
                         very angry with me. They would strip 
                         me of my rank. They would courtmartial 
                         me, after all these years of a perfect 
                         record! Now you wouldn't want that 
                         to happen to me, would you? 
                         Fortunately, those two men --

               From the ranks of the men comes the EERIE DISSONANT SOUNDS 
               of Joey's SWEET POTATO.

               Joey, in the second row of the Barrack 4 company, is playing 
               on his ocarina, oblivious to what is going on. Stosh turns 
               and quickly grabs the ocarina from Joey's mouth.

               Von Scherbach chooses to disregard the little musical 
               interlude.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         As I was saying: fortunately those 
                         two men did not get very far. They 
                         had the good sense to rejoin us again, 
                         so my record would stand unblemished. 
                         Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag 
                         17. Not alive, anyway.

               He snaps his fingers in the direction of the guard who stands 
               watch over the corpses.

               The guard pulls back the blanket in such a manner that all 
               we can see is the barrack bag tied to Johnson's leg.

               The P.O.W.s however see the corpses. There is an ANGRY BUZZ.

               Hoffy marches up to Von Scherbach.

                                     HOFFY
                              (saluting)
                         Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?

                                     HOFFY
                         As the duly elected Compound Chief, 
                         I protest the way these bodies are 
                         left lying in the mud.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Anything else?

                                     HOFFY
                         Yes. According to the Geneva 
                         Convention, dead prisoners are to be 
                         given a decent burial.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva 
                         Convention. They will be given the 
                         burial they deserve. Or perhaps you 
                         would suggest we haul in twenty-one 
                         cannons from the Eastern Front and 
                         give them a twenty-one gun salute?

               Hoffy turns on his heel and walks back to his men.

               Von Scherbach, without even looking at the corpses, snaps 
               his fingers. The guard throws the blanket back over the 
               bodies.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         For the last time, gentlemen, let me 
                         remind you: any prisoners found 
                         outside the barracks after lights 
                         out will be shot on sight. 
                         Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack 
                         4, the one camouflaging the trap 
                         door, will be removed. And so that 
                         the men from this barrack will not 
                         suffer from the cold, they will keep 
                         warm by filling in the escape tunnel. 
                         Is that clear?

               The men just stand there, in frustrated anger. Stosh clenches 
               the ocarina in his first.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         All right, then, gentlemen. We are 
                         all friends again. And with Christmas 
                         coming on, I have a special treat 
                         for you. I'll have you all deloused 
                         for the holidays. And I'll have a 
                         little tree for every barrack. You 
                         will like that.

               Stosh, with a quick underhand flip, throws the sweet potato 
               in the direction of Von Scherbach.

               It lands smack in the middle of the puddle in front of Von 
               Scherbach and splashes his boots with mud.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                              (stiffening)
                         Who did this?

               Absolute silence.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         I will give the funny man exactly 
                         five seconds to step forward.

               He looks about the compound. Five seconds pass. Nobody moves.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         Then you shall all stand here if it 
                         takes all day and all night.

               From the ranks of the men of Barrack 4, Stosh steps forward.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         That is better!

               But his triumph is short-lived, for almost instantly Harry 
               steps forward alongside Stosh. Then Duke and Blondie and 
               Cookie. Spontaneously, men from all the other barracks follow 
               until all the P.O.W.s have moved forward one step.

                                     VON SCHERBACH
                         I see! Six hundred funny men! ...There 
                         will be no Christmas trees! But there 
                         will be delousing.
                              (to Schulz)
                         With ice water from the hoses!

               He wheels about and marches back up the plank and into the 
               Administration Building. His Lieutenants after him. Two of 
               the guards start picking up the planks again.

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (shouting, to the 
                              P.O.W.s)
                         Dismissed!

               The men break ranks, going off in all directions, some back 
               to the barracks, some toward the latrines.

               Only Joey stands where he stood, his eyes fastened on the 
               puddle. Slowly he walks toward it. He bends down and fishes 
               out his sweet potato, dripping with mud. It is broken. He 
               wipes the pieces off on his coat and hides them inside his 
               jacket.

               INT. WASH LATRINE

               Packed with men from Barrack 4, about two dozen of them. 
               Others waiting outside for their turn. At the trough washing: 
               Hoffy, Price, Duke, Stosh, Harry, Cookie and Sefton. No soap. 
               A couple of worn-out towels. Except for Sefton: He's got 
               soap, towel and tooth brush.

                                     STOSH
                              (imitating von 
                              Scherbach)
                         'We will remove the iron stove -- 
                         the one that was camouflaging the 
                         trap door.'

                                     HARRY
                         I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis 
                         ain't Kosher.

                                     STOSH
                         You can say that again!

                                     HARRY
                         I'm telling you, Animal -- these 
                         Nazis ain't Ko --

                                     STOSH
                              (grabbing him)
                         I said say it again. I didn't say 
                         repeat it.

               Triz reaches for Sefton's soap, but gets a sharp rap on the 
               knuckles.

                                     SEFTON
                         Private property, bub.

                                     DUKE
                         How come the Krauts knew about that 
                         stove, Security? And the tunnel? How 
                         come you can't lay down a belch around 
                         here without them knowing it?

                                     PRICE
                         Look -- if you don't like the way 
                         I'm handling this job --

                                     HOFFY
                         Kill it, Duke. It's got us all 
                         spinning.

                                     DUKE
                         I just want to know what makes those 
                         Krauts so smart.

                                     STOSH
                         Maybe they're doin' it with radar. 
                         Maybe they got a mike hidden some 
                         place.

                                     HARRY
                         Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.

                                     DUKE
                         Or maybe it's not that they're so 
                         smart. Maybe it's that we're so 
                         stupid. Maybe there's somebody in 
                         our barracks that's tipping 'em off! 
                         One of us!

                                     HOFFY
                         Come again?

                                     DUKE
                         You betcha. I said one of us is a 
                         stoolie. A dirty, stinkin' stoolie!

                                     SEFTON
                         Is that Einstein's theory? Or did 
                         you figure it out yourself?

               A P.O.W. sticks his head into the doorway.

                                     P.O.W.
                              (breathless)
                         New dames in the Russian compound!

               Stosh lets go with a SCREAM. He takes off like shot from a 
               cannon, Harry after him. Instantly the wash latrine is emptied 
               of the men, wet as they are. Nobody is left but Price, Hoffy, 
               Duke, Sefton and Cookie.

               EXT. COMPOUND

               It's a stampede. P.O.W.s are rushing across the compound 
               toward the Russian compound.

               Stosh, charging like a bull, gets tripped and falls flat on 
               his puss right into a mud puddle. Harry zooms past him. Stosh 
               picks himself up and runs after him, his winter underwear 
               dripping with mud.

               THE BARBED WIRE FENCE

               dividing the American and Russian compounds. P.O.W.s rush in 
               from all sides, about a hundred of them. They go as far as 
               they are permitted; to a low warning wire, running parallel 
               to the big fence some fifteen feet away. To cross the warning 
               wire is verboten. The German guards up in the goon towers 
               insure that.

               There is great excitement among the P.O.W.s. Some give out 
               with cat-calls and wolf-whistles; others just stand there 
               staring.

               Beyond the fence a new batch of Russian prisoners has just 
               been brought in. German guards are counting some sixty 
               prisoners, about twenty of them women. They all are in 
               uniforms and wear boots, a bedraggled lot. The women are big 
               buxom dames, not exactly Golden Circle material, but this is 
               war.

               The Americans jump up and down trying to attract the women's 
               attention. They throw cigarettes, chewing gum, chocolate. 
               One guy is dancing the Kazatski, two of his pals holding him 
               up.

                                     P.O.W.S
                         Yee-ow!
                         Tovarich! Tovarich!
                         Oh you sweethearts!
                         Let's open the third front!
                         Hey, Minks -- Pinsk!
                         How about some borscht -- the two of 
                         us!

               Stosh and Harry push right up to trip wire. Stosh, plastered 
               with mud, goes completely berserk.

                                     STOSH
                         Hey -- Russki -- Russki! Look at 
                         those bublichkis! Over here!

                                     HARRY
                         Comrade! Comrade! Otchi Tchorniya -- 
                         Otchi Tchorniya!

               Stosh puts two fingers in his mouth and tries to whistle. He 
               gets his mouth full of mud. Spits out the mud. Searches madly 
               through his pockets and throws whatever he can find across 
               the fence.

                                     STOSH
                         Chewing gum -- chewing gum!

               Some of the Russian women break the ranks to pick up the 
               goodies that come flying over. The German guards push them 
               back. The women smile at the Americans and wave.

                                     STOSH
                              (at the top of his 
                              lungs)
                         Look at me! I'm your baby!
                              (to Harry)
                         Get a load of that blonde one! Built 
                         like a brick Kremlin!

                                     HARRY
                         Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is 
                         Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman 
                         of Barrack four!

                                     STOSH
                         Lay off! The blonde is mine!

               The women are being led away by the guards.

                                     STOSH
                              (screaming)
                         Hey, Olga -- Volga -- wait for me!

               He takes off blindly toward the women, trips immediately 
               over the warning wire and falls flat on his face in the mud 
               again.

               Up in the goon tower the guard swivels the machine gun and 
               yells down.

                                     GUARD
                         Zurueck oder wir schiessen! Zurueck!

               Harry frantically grabs Stosh by the feet and pulls him back, 
               under the wire.

                                     STOSH
                         Let me go! Let me go!

                                     HARRY
                         They'll shoot you, Animal!

               He lies right on top of him, holding him by the wrists.

                                     STOSH
                         I don't care! Let me go!

               From OFF come the SOUNDS of a dishpan being beaten and shouts 
               of "Chow!" Some of the P.O.W.s start to go back to the 
               barracks.

                                     HARRY
                         It's chow, Animal! Chow!

                                     STOSH
                         Who wants to eat? I just wanna get 
                         over there!

                                     HARRY
                         No you don't! You don't want any 
                         broads with boots on!

                                     STOSH
                         I don't care if they wear galoshes!

                                     HARRY
                         You want Betty Grable!

                                     STOSH
                         Let me go!

                                     HARRY
                              (yelling)
                         Betty Grable!

               Stosh's face lights up.

                                     HARRY
                         Animal! When the war's over, remember 
                         I told you I'd fix you up with Betty 
                         Grable!

                                     STOSH
                         Yeah? How you going to fix me up 
                         with Betty Grable?

                                     HARRY
                         How? We go to California. I got a 
                         cousin that's working for the Los 
                         Angeles Gas Company. That's how we 
                         get the address, see? Isn't that 
                         clever? I take you up to her house 
                         and ring the doorbell and say, 
                         'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We 
                         have voted you the girl we'd most 
                         like to be behind barbed wire with, 
                         and I'm here to present the award'.

                                     STOSH
                         What's the award?

                                     HARRY
                         What d'ya think, jerko! You're the 
                         award!

                                     STOSH
                         Me? What if she don't want me?

                                     HARRY
                         If she don't want you, she don't get 
                         anything.

                                     STOSH
                              (grabbing him)
                         You're teasing me again!

                                     HARRY
                              (gagging)
                         Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll 
                         miss chow!

               Stosh relaxes his hold and drops him like a limp rag. They 
               scramble to their feet and run off towards Barrack 4.

               INT. BARRACK

               Chow time. Most of the men sit around eating. Only a few are 
               still in line. They stand before a washtub, from which Triz 
               ladles out a thin brew. Then each man gets a pitiful slice 
               of sawdust bread, cut by Blondie at the table.

                                     1ST G.I.
                              (in chow line)
                         What's this stuff anyhow? Manicure 
                         water?

                                     2ND G.I.
                         This is what I like -- a hearty meal.

                                     3RD G.I.
                         They finally found the formula: an 
                         Ersatz of an Ersatz.

               Hoffy, back in the line with Joey, carrying both chow cans.

                                     HOFFY
                         What's holding up the parade?

                                     4TH G.I.
                         Are you supposed to drink this stuff 
                         or shave?

                                     DUKE
                              (next in line)
                         Drink.
                              (tastes the stuff)
                         Shave.

               Hoffy gets the two cans filled, gives one to Joey. This is 
               the end of the line.

                                     TRIZ
                         Anyone else want potato soup?

               No answer. He takes out a homemade washboard and a pair of 
               socks, puts them in the tea and starts scrubbing.

               Through the door, Stosh and Harry come running.

                                     STOSH
                              (out of breath)
                         Chow! Where's the chow!

               He dashes to his bunk, gets his chow can and is about to dip 
               it into the tub, when he sees what Triz is doing.

                                     STOSH
                         Take your socks outa my breakfast!

               Triz takes the socks out. Stosh dips in his chow can.

                                     HARRY
                         No, Animal.

                                     STOSH
                         No?

                                     HARRY
                         No. Your eyeball goes. The top of 
                         your head. Gotta wind up with 
                         athlete's stomach.

               Stosh pours back his tea, a miserable man. His eyes fall on 
               the door. An electric shock goes through him. He grabs Harry's 
               arm. They look off:

               Sefton has come into the barrack and is crossing toward the 
               iron stove. In his hand is the incredible -- more beautiful 
               than all the Kohinoors in the world: an egg.

               Harry and Stosh stand there with their eyes bulging. They 
               start forward, drawn by the egg.

               Cookie is at the stove, tending a can of boiling water. He 
               sees Sefton and puts a makeshift skillet (the banged-up top 
               of a tin can) with a dab of margarine in it, on the fire. 
               Sefton takes some keys out of his pocket, tosses them to 
               Cookie.

                                     SEFTON
                         Set 'er up, Cookie. I'm starved.

               Cookie goes towards Sefton's bunk. Sefton cracks the egg 
               into the skillet. Stosh and Harry move in, their eyes bulging 
               at sight of the sizzling beauty.

                                     HARRY
                         Easy, Animal! Easy!

                                     STOSH
                         Where'd that come from?

                                     SEFTON
                         From a chicken, bug-wit.

                                     STOSH
                         A chicken?

                                     HARRY
                         Don't you remember, Animal? A chicken 
                         lays those things.

                                     STOSH
                         It's beautiful!
                              (to Sefton)
                         You goin' to eat it all yourself?

                                     SEFTON
                         Uh-huh. The yellow and the white.

               He flips the egg over in the skillet. Harry and Stosh cover 
               their eyes and yelp in panic. To their relief they see that 
               the egg has landed safely. The aroma of the frying egg has 
               brought about six P.O.W.s down from their bunks. They crowd 
               around, their mouths watering.

                                     STOSH
                         Is it all right if we smell it?

                                     SEFTON
                         Just don't drool on it.

                                     HARRY
                         You're not going to eat the eggshells?

                                     SEFTON
                         Help yourself.

               He tosses him the eggshells. Harry gives one half to Stosh.

                                     STOSH
                              (grateful)
                         Thanks. You're a real pal!
                              (on second thought)
                         What're we goin' to do with it?

                                     HARRY
                         Plant it, Animal, and grow us a 
                         chicken for Christmas.

               Cookie, at Sefton's bunk, has taken from one of the 
               footlockers three cans, a china cup with a broken handle, a 
               fork, a spoon, and a salt-and-pepper shaker. He slams the 
               locker shut with his foot and sets everything up on the other 
               footlocker. Hoffy, Duke and Price, seated at the table eating 
               chow, eye him with disgust.

               From the stove comes Sefton carrying the skillet and the can 
               of boiling water. The other P.O.W.s, including Harry and 
               Stosh, follow him, hypnotized by the egg. Sefton walks to 
               his bunk, sits down on a little stool, puts salt and pepper 
               on the egg. Cookie meanwhile has opened the cans. From one 
               of them he measures out a spoonful of instant coffee into 
               the cup and pours the boiling water over it. Sefton takes 
               two lumps of sugar out of the other can and some Zwieback 
               from the third can. The guys around him sniff the royal 
               breakfast. The situation is tense.

                                     HOFFY
                         If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that 
                         egg some place else. Like for instance 
                         under the barrack.

                                     SEFTON
                              (sipping the coffee, 
                              to Cookie)
                         A little weak today.

               Cookie puts another half a spoonful of instant coffee into 
               the cup.

                                     DUKE
                         Come on, Trader Horn! Let's hear it: 
                         what'd you give the Krauts for that 
                         egg?

                                     SEFTON
                              (eating away)
                         Forty-five cigarettes. The price has 
                         gone up.

                                     STOSH
                         That wouldn't be the cigarettes you 
                         took us for last night?

                                     SEFTON
                         What was I going to do with them? I 
                         only smoke cigars.

                                     DUKE
                         Nice guy! The Krauts shoot Manfredi 
                         and Johnson last night and today 
                         he's out trading with them.

                                     SEFTON
                         Look, this may be my last hot 
                         breakfast on account of they're going 
                         to take away that stove. So will you 
                         let me eat it in peace?

                                     STOSH
                         Ain't that too bad! Tomorrow he'll 
                         have to suck a raw egg!

                                     HARRY
                         He don't have to worry. He'll trade 
                         the Krauts for a six-burner gas range. 
                         Maybe a deep freeze too.

                                     SEFTON
                         What's your beef, boys? So I'm 
                         trading. Everybody here is trading. 
                         Only maybe I trade a little sharper. 
                         So that makes me a collaborator.

                                     DUKE
                         A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to 
                         have some of that loot you got in 
                         those footlockers!

                                     SEFTON
                         You would, would you? Listen, Stupe -- 
                         the first week I was in this joint 
                         somebody stole my Red Cross package, 
                         my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I 
                         wised up since. This ain't no 
                         Salvation Army -- this is everybody 
                         for himself. Dog eat dog.

                                     DUKE
                         You stink, Sefton!

               He goes after him.

                                     HOFFY
                         Come off it! Both of you!

               A couple of P.O.W.s hold Duke back.

                                     SEFTON
                         Now you've done it. You've given me 
                         nervous indigestion.
                              (he gets up)
                         Anything else bothering you, boys?

                                     PRICE
                         Just one little thing. How come you 
                         were so sure Manfredi and Johnson 
                         wouldn't get out of the forest?

                                     SEFTON
                         I wasn't so sure. I just liked the 
                         odds.

               He picks up the skillet with the half-eaten egg.

                                     SEFTON
                         And what's that crack supposed to 
                         mean?

                                     PRICE
                         They're lying dead in the mud out 
                         there and I'm trying to find out how 
                         come.

                                     SEFTON
                         I'll tell you how come.
                              (pointing at Hoffy)
                         The Barrack Chief gave them the green 
                         light. And you, our Security Officer, 
                         said it'd be safe. That's how come.

               He crosses to Joey who has been sitting on the edge of the 
               bunk looking on blankly and puts the skillet with the egg on 
               his lap. Turns back to the others.

                                     SEFTON
                         What're you guys trying to prove 
                         anyway? Cutting trap doors! Digging 
                         tunnels! You know what the chances 
                         are to get out of here? And let's 
                         say you do get all the way to 
                         Switzerland! Or say to the States? 
                         So what? They ship you to the Pacific 
                         and slap you in another plane. And 
                         you get shot down again and you wind 
                         up in a Japanese prison camp. That's 
                         if you're lucky! Well, I'm no escape 
                         artist! You can be the heroes, the 
                         boys with the fruit salad on your 
                         chest. Me -- I'm staying put. And 
                         I'm going to make myself as 
                         comfortable as I can. And if it takes 
                         a little trading with the enemy to 
                         get me some food or a better mattress 
                         or a woman -- that's okay by Sefton!

               He strikes a match on the sleeve of Duke's leather jacket 
               and lights himself a cigar.

                                     DUKE
                         Why you crud! This war's going to be 
                         over some day -- then what do you 
                         think we'll do to Kraut-kissers like 
                         you?

               He lunges forward and there is a fracas, the others trying 
               to hold them back.

               From off comes:

                                     MARKO'S VOICE
                         At ease! At ease!

               MARKO, the Inter-barrack Communications officer, has entered 
               from the compound, followed by a one-legged P.O.W., THE 
               CRUTCH. Marko gets up on a stool a piece of paper in his 
               hand.

                                     MARKO
                              (yelling)
                         AT EASE!

                                     HOFFY
                         Break it off, boys! At ease for the 
                         news!

               The ruckus subsides.

                                     MARKO
                         Today's Camp News!
                              (reading)
                         Father Murray announces that due to 
                         local regulations the Christmas 
                         midnight Mass will be held at seven 
                         in the morning!

                                     STOSH
                         You can tell Father Murray to --

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! He also says, quote: All 
                         you sack rats better show up for the 
                         services and no bull from anybody. 
                         Unquote. At ease! Monday afternoon a 
                         sailboat race will be held at the 
                         cesspool. See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack 
                         7 if you want to enter a yacht. Next: 
                         Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will 
                         play Frank deNotta and Mike Cohen 
                         for the pinochle championship of the 
                         camp.

                                     HARRY
                         That's a fix.

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! Tuesday afternoon at two 
                         o'clock all men from Texas will meet 
                         behind the north latrine.

               Boos and cheers.

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! Next: A warning from 
                         Kommandant von Scherbach. Anybody 
                         found throwing rocks at low-flying 
                         German aircraft will be thrown in 
                         the boob. At ease! At ease!
                              (then in a lower voice)
                         Are the doors covered?

               He looks around to make sure.

                                     MARKO
                              (to The Crutch)
                         Okay, Steve. Give 'em the radio.

               The Crutch, leaning against the edge of the table, pulls up 
               the empty pant leg. Attached there is a small radio, a 
               makeshift set with tubes showing. Also a pair of earphones. 
               Blondie starts getting it out.

                                     MARKO
                              (to Hoffy)
                         You can keep it for two days.

                                     HOFFY
                         Two days? We're supposed to have it 
                         for a week!

                                     MARKO
                         You're lucky to get it at all. The 
                         boys are afraid the Jerries'll find 
                         it here. This barrack is jinxed.

                                     PRICE
                         Don't worry. We'll take care of it.

                                     HOFFY
                              (to Stosh and Harry)
                         Take some men and get the antenna 
                         going. Let's see if we can catch the 
                         BBC.

               In the background, Harry gets a volley ball from under the 
               bunk, Stosh picks up a roll of chicken wire from a corner of 
               the barrack, and the two lead six other P.O.W.s out into the 
               compound.

                                     MARKO
                         What about those guys last night? 
                         What gives in this barrack anyway?

                                     DUKE
                         Just a little sickness. Somebody 
                         around here's got the German measles.

                                     SEFTON
                         He oughta know. He went to Johns 
                         Hopkins. He used to be a bedpan.

                                     MARKO
                         What's the gag?

                                     SEFTON
                              (imitating him)
                         At ease! At ease!

               Marko shrugs and turns to Hoffy.

                                     MARKO
                         Be sure to put down the news. Looks 
                         like the Germans have started a 
                         counter-offensive and the other 
                         barracks want to know.

               Marko and The Crutch go off.

               EXT. BARRACK

               The men are setting up the chicken wire, attaching one end 
               to the barrack, and the other to a tall post: it becomes a 
               volley ball net, and in turn, an antenna. Stosh is slipping 
               a wire through the window into the barrack. They divide into 
               two teams, Stosh and Harry on opposite sides, and start 
               playing volley ball. In the background, Marko and The Crutch 
               are seen walking away.

               INT. BARRACK

               Triz has connected the antenna wire to the radio on the t 
               able. Blondie is sitting there with the earphones on, working 
               the dials, Price sitting next to him with pencil and paper. 
               The others stand around waiting.

                                     PRICE
                         Getting anything?

                                     BLONDIE
                         Getting too much. I'm tryin' to 
                         unscramble.

                                     SEFTON
                         If you can't get the BBC, how about 
                         getting Guy Lombardo?

                                     HOFFY
                         Are we boring you?

                                     BLONDIE
                         Hold it... Quiet...

               He repeats what he hears over the earphones while Price writes 
               it down.

                                     BLONDIE
                         ...has driven across Luxemburg... 
                         The second German wedge is reported 
                         fourteen miles west of Malmedy where 
                         tank columns cut the road to 
                         Bastogne... the Allied Air Force is 
                         grounded by poor visibility...

               The boys don't like what they hear.

               EXT. BARRACK

               The volley ball game is in fine progress, the ball popping 
               back and forth across the antenna. A German guard approaches, 
               puzzled over the sports activity on this lousy winter day. 
               He is a singularly grim fellow. He starts circling them. 
               Harry and Stosh, to appear nonchalant, break into the 
               SCHNITZELBANK SONG. The guard moves dangerously close to the 
               window. Quickly Harry flips the ball over the net at him. 
               The guard slaps it back across the net. Again Harry pops it 
               at him ... and slowly the guard finds himself sucked into 
               the game.

                                     HARRY
                         Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar!

                                     STOSH
                         He's the grrrrreatest!

               The guard permits himself a smile as he goes on playing.

               INT. BARRACK

               The boys around the radio.

                                     BLONDIE
                              (Repeating what he 
                              hears)
                         ...five Panzer divisions and nine 
                         infantry divisions of von Rundstedt's 
                         army have poured into the wide 
                         breach... meanwhile two of Patton's 
                         tank units have been diverted toward 
                         Bastogne and are trying to --

               It's jammed again. Blondie fiddles with the dials.

                                     HOFFY
                         Come on!

                                     BLONDIE
                         Static!

                                     DUKE
                         Static is right! The radio's static, 
                         Patton's static, we're static!

                                     SEFTON
                         Maybe it's going to be a longer war 
                         than you figured -- eh, Duke?

               Triz, who has been standing watch at the door, now sees:

               EXT. COMPOUND

               Marching toward Barrack 4 are four German soldiers headed by 
               Schulz.

               INT. BARRACK

               Triz reaches up and snaps a string. All the wash in the 
               barrack jumps up and down. That's the signal.

               Immediately the boys jump into action. Triz and Blondie 
               disconnect the wires. Hoffy takes the radio off the table 
               and they all start dispersing.

               EXT. BARRACK

               Schulz and the four German soldiers are about to enter the 
               barrack. Schulz pauses as he sees the guard playing volley 
               ball enthusiastically. Schulz taps him on his back. The guard 
               wheels around, freezes, clicks his heels. Schulz gives him a 
               disapproving look. Then he leads the four soldiers into the 
               barrack. Harry, Stosh and the other P.O.W.s follow, worried.

               Schulz and the soldiers enter the barrack, followed by Harry, 
               Stosh and the other players.

               The guys have just assumed innocent positions. A little too 
               innocent maybe.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Did I interrupt something, gentlemen?

                                     STOSH
                         Yeah. We were just passing out guns.

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (laughing)
                         Always joking. Always making 
                         wisecrackers!

                                     HARRY
                         Wisecrackers? Where did he pick up 
                         his English? In a pretzel factory?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         You always think I am a square. I 
                         have been to America.
                              (he shows them his 
                              cauliflower ears)
                         I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis 
                         and Cincinnati. And I will go back! 
                         The way the war is going I will be 
                         there before you!

                                     HARRY
                         You should live so long.

               Schulz has taken a wallet out of his pocket, shows a 
               photograph to them.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         This is me in Cincinnati.

                                     STOSH
                         Who's the other wrestler? The one 
                         with the mustache?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         That is my wife.

                                     STOSH
                              (taking the photograph)
                         Look at all that meat. Isn't she the 
                         bitter end!

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (snatching it from 
                              him)
                         Give it back. You must not arouse 
                         yourselves.

                                     HARRY
                         Hey, Schulz! I got a deal for you. 
                         Suppose you help us escape. We'll go 
                         home and have everything ready for 
                         you in Madison Square Garden. For 
                         the world championship! Schulz, the 
                         Beast of Bavaria versus Halitosis 
                         Jones!

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Droppen Sie dead!
                              (to the German soldiers)
                         Raus mit dem Ofen. Los! Los!

               The soldiers move toward the stove. As the scene proceeds 
               they dismantle the stove and ultimately carry it out.

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (to the P.O.W.s)
                         All right, gentlemen! We will now 
                         all go outside for a little gymnastic 
                         and take some shovels and undig the 
                         tunnel which you digged.

                                     STOSH
                         Why don't we just plug up that tunnel -- 
                         with the Kommandant on one end and 
                         you on the other.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         It is not me. It is the orders. I am 
                         your friend. I am your best friend 
                         here.

                                     DUKE
                         Cut out the guff, Schulz. We're on 
                         to you. You know everything that's 
                         happening in this barrack. Who's 
                         tipping you off?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Tipping me off? I do not understand.

                                     HOFFY
                         You're wasting your time, Duke.
                              (to the others)
                         Outside, everybody! Let's get it 
                         over with.

                                     PRICE
                         Wait a second, Hoffy. Schulz says 
                         he's our best friend. Maybe he can 
                         give us a little hint.

                                     DUKE
                         Come on, Schulz! Spill it! How did 
                         you get the information? About 
                         Manfredi and Johnson? About the stove 
                         and the tunnel? Who's giving it to 
                         you? Which one of us is it?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         Which one of you is what?

                                     PRICE
                         Which one of us is the informer?

                                     SCHULTZ
                         You are trying to say that an American 
                         would inform on other Americans?

                                     DUKE
                         That's the general idea.
                              (looking at Sefton)
                         Only it's not so general as far as 
                         I'm concerned.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         You are talking crazy!

                                     SEFTON
                              (taking the cigar out 
                              of his mouth)
                         No use, Schulz. You might as well 
                         come clean. Why don't you just tell 
                         'em it's me. Because I'm really the 
                         illegitimate son of Hitler. And after 
                         the Germans win the war you'll make 
                         me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati.

                                     SCHULTZ
                         You Americans! You are the craziest 
                         people! That's why I like you! I 
                         wish I could invite you all to my 
                         house for a nice German Christmas!

                                     HARRY
                              (to Stosh)
                         Why don't we accept, Animal? The 
                         worst that can happen is we wind up 
                         a couple of lamp shades.

                                     SCHULTZ
                              (jovially)
                         Raus! Raus! All of you!

               By this time most of them have put on their warm clothes, 
               caps and gloves and are filing out.

               Schulz starts to follow them, but stops short as he sees:

               The electric light bulb hanging by a wire from the ceiling. 
               Just the bulb. No shade. The wire is tied up into a slip 
               knot.

               Schulz reacts to what he has seen. he watches the last of 
               the P.O.W.s leave, and the Germans carry the stove out of 
               the barrack. He closes the door. His entire attitude has 
               changed. He is serious and efficient. He walks over to the 
               chess set on the table. Out of his pocket he takes a chess 
               piece -- a black queen -- and exchanges it with the black 
               queen from the set. He puts it in his pocket. Steps over to 
               the light bulb, pulls the slip knot free and exits.

               The light bulb hangs straight now, swaying gently in the 
               empty barrack.

               EXT. COMPOUND

               The men from Barrack 4 are lined up between the latrine and 
               the barbed wire, starting to dig up the tunnel. They are 
               supervised by German guards. In the background, Schulz is 
               crossing from the barrack towards the Administration Building. 
               As the men dig, they look off at:

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         He was the Beast of Bavaria all right, 
                         as we pieced it together later. And 
                         there was a stoolie in our barrack, 
                         just as Duke said. They had a very 
                         simple communications system -- Schulz 
                         and the stoolie...

               An open German half-truck driving toward the big gate, 
               carrying two crude wooden coffins.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         That's how the Krauts knew about the 
                         tunnel, from the day we started 
                         digging. Those poor suckers Manfredi 
                         and Johnson! They got out of Stalag 
                         17 sure enough, only not quite the 
                         way they wanted to go.

               The men have stopped digging. As the CAMERA goes down the 
               row they take off their caps. Joey does not comprehend. 
               Blondie, standing next to him, takes the cap off for him. 
               The CAMERA PULLS PAST Cookie who has taken his cap off, and 
               now STOPS on Sefton. He has seen the coffins. He has seen 
               the others take off their caps. He takes the cigar out of 
               his mouth, snuffs it out, puts it into his pocket, and slowly 
               pulls off his cap.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         As for the stoolie, I just wish he 
                         had German measles because when you 
                         get the measles you break out all 
                         over in red spots, and we could have 
                         pegged him easy. As it was it could 
                         have been anybody in our outfit -- 
                         Duke or Hoffy or Price or Goofy Joey 
                         or Harry or the Animal or maybe 
                         Sefton. Sergeant J.J. Sefton. I guess 
                         it's about time I told you a few 
                         more things about that Sefton guy. 
                         If I was anything of a writer I'd 
                         send it in to the Reader's Digest 
                         for one of those 'Most Unforgettable 
                         Characters You've Ever Met'...

                                                                  DISSOLVE:

                                   END OF SEQUENCE "B"

                                       SEQUENCE "C"

               EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

               A circle about 15 feet in diameter is drawn on the barren 
               ground with white lime. Around it, some forty G.I.s. In the 
               center, Cookie, holding a cardboard box. To one side, standing 
               on a wooden crate, Sefton. In front of him, a makeshift 
               bookie's desk, a heap of loose cigarettes on top. G.I.s are 
               crowding around, making wagers in cigarettes. Hanging off 
               one side of the desk, the odds board: NO. HORSE ODDS 1. 
               Whirlaway 3:1 2. Seabiscuit 5:1 3. Equipoise 1:1 4. Twenty 
               Grand 4:1 5. Schnickelfritz 10:1

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         ...he was a B.T.O., Sefton was. A 
                         Big Time Operator. Always hustling, 
                         always scrounging. Take for instance 
                         the horse races. Every Saturday and 
                         Sunday he would put on horse races. 
                         He was the sole owner and operator 
                         of the Stalag 17 Turf Club. He was 
                         the Presiding Steward, the Chief 
                         Handicapper, the Starter, the Judge, 
                         the Breeder and his own bookie. He 
                         was the whole works, except that I 
                         was the stable boy for ten smokes a 
                         day.

                                     SEFTON
                         Step up, boys! The horses are at the 
                         post!

                                     G.I.S
                         Five on Equipoise!
                         Give me Equipoise -- ten on the nose!
                         Two on Twenty Grand!
                         Schnickelfritz for me. Five smackers!
                         Equipoise -- one solid pack!

                                     LAST G.I.
                              (an unkempt bum)
                         Five on Seabiscuit! Pay you when the 
                         Red Cross parcels come in.

                                     SEFTON
                         No credit.

                                     UNKEMPT BUM
                         Have a heart, Sefton!

                                     SEFTON
                         Sorry. It's against the rules of the 
                         Racing Commission.
                              (calling out)
                         Already? Any more bets? Shake 'em 
                         up, Cookie!

               Cookie shakes the cardboard box, puts it face down on the 
               ground in the center of the circle.

                                     SEFTON
                         Let 'er go! They're off and running 
                         at Stalag 17!

               Cookie has lifted the box. There are five mice of various 
               colors with numbers 1 to 5 attached to their backs. The mice 
               start spreading hesitantly in all directions.

               The P.O.W.s YELL and SCREAM, rooting for their horses to 
               reach the circle line first.

               Among the P.O.W.s Stosh and Harry. Stosh, with a bundle of 
               mutuel tickets in his hand, screaming his head off.

                                     STOSH
                         Equipoise! Oh, you beauty! This way! 
                         This way!

               Equipoise, No. 3, pulls in front and is only a few feet from 
               the edge of the circle.

                                     HARRY
                         Equipoise! Equipoise! What did I 
                         tell you, Animal?

                                     STOSH
                         Come on, baby! Daddy's going to buy 
                         you a hunk of cheese!

               Equipoise, now only a foot from the finish line, suddenly 
               stops and goes into a dizzy spin. The other mice gain rapidly.

                                     STOSH AND HARRY
                         Straighten out, you dog! This way! 
                         That's no horse -- that's a dervish! 
                         Please! This way! Come to Daddy!

               In a turmoil of SCREAMING G.I.s, Schnickelfritz passes 
               Equipoise, still spinning like a top, and crosses the line.

                                     SEFTON
                         The winner is No. 5: Schnickelfritz!

               Stosh grabs Harry.

                                     STOSH
                         Schnickelfritz! I told you 
                         Schnickelfritz! Why'd you make me 
                         bet on Equipoise!

                                     HARRY
                         I clocked him this morning. He was 
                         running like a doll.

                                     STOSH
                              (choking him)
                         You clocked him! Why don't I clock 
                         you?

                                     SEFTON
                              (calling out)
                         The next race will be a claiming 
                         race for four months old and upward 
                         which have not won since November 
                         17th.

               While Sefton pays off the winners, Cookie puts up a new odds 
               board. New bettors start lining up on the other side. Among 
               them, Harry and Stosh.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         It's a good thing nobody ever asked 
                         for a saliva test. Because I wouldn't 
                         have put it past Sefton to stiff a 
                         horse once in a while -- especially 
                         when the betting was heavy.

                                                                  DISSOLVE:

               INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

               Near Sefton's bunk, the distillery is set up: a Rube Goldberg 
               contraption of old tin cans and a maze of piping, a margarine 
               lamp burning under the boiler. The whole thing SPUTTERS and 
               HISSES.

               Behind a makeshift wooden shelf -- the bar -- stands Cookie, 
               pouring drinks for some eight customers, among them Harry 
               and Stosh, crocked. In Stosh's hand is the big Betty Grable 
               cheese-cake photo from his bunk.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         Another one of his enterprises was 
                         the distillery. Believe it or not, 
                         he ran a bar right in our barrack, 
                         selling Schnapps at two cigarettes a 
                         shot. The boys called it the 
                         Flamethrower, but it wasn't really 
                         that bad. We brewed it out of old 
                         potato peels and once in a while a 
                         couple of strings off the Red Cross 
                         parcels, to give it a little flavor.

                                     STOSH
                              (in a crying jag)
                         It's not fair, Harry. I'm telling 
                         you, it's not fair! She's been married 
                         for over a year! My Betty! She had a 
                         baby! Didn't you hear it on the radio!

                                     HARRY
                         C'mon, Animal! Pull yourself together!
                              (off)
                         Hey, Cookie! Belt us again!

               He pushes their little condensed milk cans, serving as 
               jiggers, across the bar, counts out four cigarettes.

                                     STOSH
                         Look at her! Isn't she beautiful! 
                         Married an orchestra leader!

                                     HARRY
                         So what? There's other women!

                                     STOSH
                         Not for me! Betty! Betty!

                                     HARRY
                         Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up 
                         with a couple of those Russian women!

                                     STOSH
                              (sarcastically)
                         You'll fix me up!

                                     HARRY
                         Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there!

                                     STOSH
                         How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8 
                         tried to get over there and they 
                         shot him in the leg!

                                     HARRY
                         It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I 
                         figured us a little gimmick.

                                     STOSH
                         You did?

                                     HARRY
                              (tapping his forehead)
                         Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's 
                         frightening.

               Cookie slides over the two tin jiggers. Harry picks them up, 
               hands one to Stosh.

                                     HARRY
                              (toasting)
                         To the Brick Kremlin!

                                     STOSH
                              (his eyes on the 
                              cheesecake photo)
                         She'll never forgive me!

                                     HARRY
                         Bombs away!

               They both drink it down in one gulp, Harry holding his nose. 
               It's terrible stuff and hits them hard. Stosh goes into a 
               violent fit of coughing, pulling his barrack cap down over 
               his eyes.

                                     HARRY
                              (to Cookie)
                         What are you serving today? Nitric 
                         acid?

                                     COOKIE
                         I only work here. Talk to the 
                         Management.

               He points to Sefton, who is taking inventory of the cigarettes 
               in his footlocker: cartons, packages, loose ones. He is 
               tabulating the amounts on a piece of paper.

                                     HARRY
                         All right, Management. What are you 
                         trying to do? Embalm us while we're 
                         alive?

                                     SEFTON
                         Exactly what did you expect for two 
                         cigarettes? Eight year old Bottled-
                         In-Bond? All the house guarantees is 
                         that you don't go blind.
                              (to Cookie)
                         Don't ever serve 'em again.

                                     STOSH
                         Blind! Harry! Harry!

               He staggers around, not realizing his cap is pulled down 
               over his eyes.

                                     STOSH
                         Harry -- I'm blind!

                                     HARRY
                              (pushing up his cap)
                         Blind? How stupid can you get, Animal? 
                         I drank the stuff myself.

               Suddenly he seems not to see too well himself. He gropes 
               around in panic.

                                     HARRY
                         Animal! Animal! Where are you, Animal?

                                                                  DISSOLVE:

               INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

               A big telescope, about seven feet long, is set up on a tripod 
               at the window pointing toward the Russian Compound. The 
               telescope is made of various-sized cans soldered together. 
               It's run by Cookie, behind a table, piled with cigarettes 
               and chocolate bars. Bent down peering through the telescope, 
               panning it slowly, is a P.O.W. Across the barrack stretches 
               a long line of impatient customers, all the way to the open 
               door and out of it. Cookie taps the peeker to indicate his 
               time is up. The next in line pays his cigarette and peeks

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         The killer-diller, of course -- the 
                         real bonanza -- was when Sefton put 
                         up the Observatory. He scrounged 
                         himself some high-powered Kraut lenses 
                         and a magnifying mirror and got Ronnie 
                         Bigelow from Barrack 2 to put the 
                         whole shebang together for a pound 
                         of coffee. On a clear day you could 
                         have seen the Swiss Alps, only who 
                         wanted to see the Swiss Alps? It was 
                         about a mile away, that Russian 
                         delousing shack, but we were right 
                         on top of it. It cost you a cigarette 
                         or a half bar of chocolate a peek. 
                         You couldn't catch much through that 
                         steam, but believe you me, after two 
                         years in that camp just the idea 
                         what was behind that steam sure 
                         spruced up your voltage.

               RUSSIAN DELOUSING SHACK - (THROUGH THE TELESCOPE)

               About a dozen Russian women, wrapped only in blankets, waiting 
               in line. The telescope pans across a couple of windows. They 
               are completely steamed-up by the disinfecting vapors.

               INT. BARRACK

               The P.O.W. is glued to the telescope. Cookie taps him on the 
               shoulder.

                                     COOKIE
                         Let's go! Thirty seconds to a 
                         customer.

               Without moving his eye from the telescope, the P.O.W. fishes 
               another cigarette from his pocket and gives it to Cookie.

               Sefton stands at the open barrack door, a cold cigar in his 
               mouth. He surveys the landoffice business, both inside and 
               out, for beyond him a line of about forty more P.O.W.s 
               stretches into the compound.

                                     P.O.W.
                              (from rear of line)
                         Hey, Sefton -- what's snarling up 
                         the traffic? By the time we get to 
                         look they'll be old hags!

                                     SEFTON
                         Simmer down, boys. There'll be a 
                         second show when they put the next 
                         batch through.

               Hoffy, Price and Duke come in from the compound. Hoffy cases 
               the situation and pulls Sefton to the side.

                                     HOFFY
                         What's the big idea, Sefton? Take 
                         that telescope out of here.

                                     SEFTON
                         Says who?

                                     HOFFY
                         Says me.

                                     SEFTON
                         You take it out. Only you're going 
                         to have a riot on your hands.

                                     HOFFY
                         Every time the men get Red Cross 
                         packages you have to think up an 
                         angle to rob them.

                                     PRICE
                         When the Krauts find that gadget 
                         they'll throw us all in the boob.

                                     SEFTON
                         They know about that gadget. I'd 
                         worry more about the radio.

                                     DUKE
                         I suppose they also know about your 
                         distillery and the horseraces?

                                     SEFTON
                         That's right.

                                     DUKE
                         Just what makes you and them Krauts 
                         so buddy-buddy?

                                     SEFTON
                         Ask Security.
                              (to Price)
                         You tell him, Price. You've got me 
                         shadowed every minute of the day. Or 
                         haven't you found out yet?

                                     PRICE
                         Not yet.

                                     HOFFY
                         Answer the question. How do you rate 
                         all those privileges?

                                     SEFTON
                         I grease the Kraut guards. With ten 
                         percent of the take.

                                     DUKE
                         And maybe a little something else?

                                     SEFTON
                         A little something what?

               He strikes a match on Duke's dogtag and lights his cigar.

                                     DUKE
                              (lunging at him)
                         Maybe a little information!

               Hoffy and Price hold back Duke.

                                     HOFFY
                         Break it off!

                                     DUKE
                         How much more do we have to take 
                         from him?

                                     HOFFY
                         There'll be no vigilante stuff. Not 
                         while I'm Barrack Chief.

               From the window come excited shouts.

                                     G.I. VOICES
                         Hey, look at them! 
                         It's Harry and the Animal! 
                         Look what they're doing!

               Everybody in the barrack is dashing toward the window giving 
               out on the Russian Compound. Hoffy, Price, Duke, and Sefton 
               follow after.

               The window is packed by G.I.s staring out. More crowding in.

                                     G.I.S
                         Those crazy jerks! 
                         They won't get away with it! 
                         The Krauts will shoot them!

               EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)

               This is Harry's little gimmick: He and Stosh are painting a 
               white line down the middle of the road leading towards the 
               Russian Compound. Stosh carries the bucket and Harry, moving 
               backwards, wields the brush. They are very close now to the 
               barbed wire fence dividing the compounds. A bespectacled 
               German guard is standing in front of his sentinel house.

               They crouch as low as they can as they paint themselves 
               through the gate past the guard and up the road toward the 
               Russian delousing shack. The guard gives them a glance. It 
               looks okay to him. He starts stamping about at the open gate.

               INT. BARRACK

               G.I.s at the window, watching in great excitement.

                                     G.I.S
                         They're past the fifty yard line! 
                         Quarterback sneak! 
                         Look at them go!

                                     SIX G.I.S
                              (in chorus)
                         We want a touchdown! We want a 
                         touchdown! We want a touchdown!

                                     HOFFY
                         Those idiots! They'll paint themselves 
                         into their graves!

               EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND

               Harry and Stosh are doing dandy as they paint up the highway. 
               Harry gets his bearings: the delousing shack is some twenty-
               five feet off the road. He paints a very elegant turn off 
               the highway.

               THE GATE BETWEEN THE COMPOUNDS

               The German guard is stamping up and down. Suddenly he does a 
               double take as he sees:

               EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND

               The white line leading down the middle of the highway veers 
               off idiotically over the terrain towards the shack.

               THE GERMAN GUARD

               He stands there perplexed, then takes off after them.

               EXT. DELOUSING SHACK

               Harry and Stosh have now painted up to the window of the 
               shack. Without even stopping, they paint right up the wall 
               and around the window. As they paint, they peer in through 
               the thick steam (through which we cannot distinguish 
               anything). Now, they paint down the building on the other 
               side of the window and toward the doorway. Into their pathway 
               come the boots of the German guard. They paint right over 
               the boots. Then they see the butt of the guard's rifle. They 
               look at each other. They are in trouble. They stop painting 
               and straighten up slowly.

                                     GERMAN GUARD
                         Was ist denn hier los? Sie sind 
                         verhaftet!

               Harry gives the guard's eye-glasses a couple of quick strokes 
               of paint. Dropping paint and brush, Stosh and he run like 
               mad back toward the gate.

               The guard stands there struggling with his glasses.

               The Russian women, huddled in blankets, giggle their heads 
               off.

                                                                 FADE OUT: 

                                   END OF SEQUENCE "C"

                                       SEQUENCE "D"

               FADE IN:

               INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)

               About twenty P.O.W.s lazing about. The sack rats in their 
               bunks. Triz and Price playing chess, Joey looking on blankly. 
               Sefton, a towel around his neck, is sitting in a chair being 
               shaved by Cookie. Stosh, in his bunk, is carving a new ocarina 
               for Joey out of wood. CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY to:

               The electric light bulb, hanging straight and innocent on 
               its wire.

                                     COOKIE'S VOICE
                         Now let me see, what came next? Oh, 
                         yes. Next came those new prisoners. 
                         'Twas two days before Christmas when 
                         all through the camp, not a creature 
                         was stirring, not even that lamp.

                                     MARKO'S VOICE
                         At ease! At ease!

               Marko, carrying a handful of letters and a book, has entered, 
               followed by The Crutch.

                                     MARKO
                         Mail call!

               The whole barrack springs to life, everyone moving towards 
               Marko with whistles, screams and hoorays. Joey, who keeps 
               staring at the chess board. Sefton and Cookie go on with the 
               shave.

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! At ease! First, the 
                         Kommandant is sending every barrack 
                         a little Christmas present. A copy 
                         of Mein Kampf. In the words of Oberst 
                         von Scherbach: 'Now that a German 
                         victory is in sight, all American 
                         prisoners are to be indoctrinated 
                         with the teachings of der Fuehrer. 
                         Unquote. In my own words:
                              (he lets go with a 
                              belch)
                         Unquote.

               He tosses the book into the air. Duke catches it.

                                     DUKE
                         That's the wrong direction.

               He flings it at Sefton. It sails past Sefton's head.

               Cookie ducks. Sefton doesn't even bat an eyelash.

                                     SEFTON
                         You must have been some tail gunner!
                              (to Cookie)
                         Go ahead, Cookie.

                                     STOSH
                         Come on, let's get that mail. Anything 
                         for Stanislaus Kuzawa?

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! At ease!

               As Marko calls out the names he hands out the letters. Some 
               of the men open them immediately. Others go to their bunks 
               to read.

                                     MARKO
                         Martin. Shapiro. Price. Trzcinski. 
                         McKay. Shapiro. Shapiro. Manfredi.

               There is an awkward pause, then Marko puts Manfredi's letter 
               in his pocket.

                                     MARKO
                         Shapiro. Musgrove. McKay. Peterson. 
                         Cook.

               Cookie comes up for his letter. So do Duke and Blondie. (Their 
               names are Musgrove and Peterson.)

                                     MARKO
                         Pirelli. Coleman. Agnew. Shapiro.

                                     STOSH
                              (in a little voice)
                         Nothing for Kuzawa?

                                     MARKO
                         Shapiro. Shapiro.

                                     STOSH
                              (to Harry)
                         Just what makes you so popular?

                                     HARRY
                              (fanning the letters)
                         Frightening, isn't it? Fifty million 
                         guys floating around back home and 
                         all those dames want is Sugar-lips 
                         Shapiro.

                                     MARKO
                         McKay, Agnew. Here, Stosh.

               He holds out a letter.

                                     STOSH
                              (revitalized)
                         Yeah?

                                     MARKO
                         Give this to Joey, will you?

                                     STOSH
                         Oh.

               Marko has now distributed all the letters.

                                     MARKO
                         At ease! At ease! Here's a little 
                         something from Father Murray. One to 
                         each barrack.

               He has knelt down in front of The Crutch and pulls out from 
               the empty pant's leg a little Christmas tree.

                                     MARKO
                         And he says he wants you cruds to 
                         cut out all swearing during Yuletide.

                                     G.I.
                         How'd he get those trees?

                                     MARKO
                         I don't know. Prayed, I guess. They 
                         grew out of his mattress.

               Marko sticks the tree into one of the margarine cans.

                                     G.I.
                         What'll we use for decorations?

                                     MARKO
                         For that you got to pray yourself.

               He goes, followed by The Crutch.

               Stosh sits next to Joey at the table, reading his letter to 
               him.

                                     STOSH
                         '...and we do hope that you will 
                         finish that last year of law school 
                         when you come back home...'
                              (looks up at Joey)
                         Law school?! You don't want to be a 
                         stinking lawyer with a stinking brief 
                         case in a stinking office, do you, 
                         Joey?

               Joey just sits there. Stosh goes on reading.

                                     STOSH
                         '...And do keep writing, son. Your 
                         letters are very dear to us. With 
                         all our love, Dad.' Here, Joey, take 
                         it.

               Joey doesn't move.

                                     STOSH
                         It's from your Dad, Joey.

               He shoves the letter into Joey's pocket.

                                     STOSH
                         The next time we write to your folks, 
                         Joey, you know what you're going to 
                         say? You're going to say you don't 
                         want to be a lawyer any more. You 
                         want to be a musician -- like play 
                         the flute, maybe -- eh, Joey?

               There is a fleeting smile on Joey's face.

               Triz, in his bunk, a crumpled letter in his hand, is mumbling 
               to hi