"STALAG 17"
Screenplay by
Billy Wilder and Edwin Blum
Based on a play by
Donald Bevan and Edmund Trzcinski
SHOOTING DRAFT
SEQUENCE "A"
FADE IN:
BARBED WIRE AGAINST A WINTRY NIGHT SKY
Beyond it, more barbed wire. Ice has formed on the strands.
Now and then searchlight beams crisscross the pattern. As
the CAMERA SLOWLY MOVES along the double fence, SUPERIMPOSE -
THE CREDIT TITLES
THE GREAT CAMP - (NIGHT)
A wide expanse of barren ground checkered with clusters of
barracks, sectioned off into compounds by double barbed-wire
fences, nine feet high. Searchlights sweep over the barracks,
the muddy ground with the snow patches, and the pine forest
beyond the barbed-wire. The searchlights come from the goon
towers -- little guard houses elevated on poles --
interspersed along the fences.
COOKIE'S VOICE
(with an occasional
stammer)
I don't know about you, but it always
make me sore when I see those war
pictures -- all about flying leather-
necks and submarine patrols and
frogmen and guerillas in the
Philippines. I don't want to take
anything away from those guys, but
what gets me is that there never was
a movie about P.O.W.s -- about
prisoners of war. Now my name is
Clarence Harvey Cook, -- they call
me Cookie. I was shot down over
Magdeburg, Germany back in 43. That's
why I stammer a little once in a
while, especially when I get excited
and I always get excited when I talk
about Stalag 17. I spent two and a
half years in Stalag 17. Stalag is
the Kraut word for prison camp and
number 17 was somewhere near Krems
on the Danube. There were about forty
thousand P.O.W.s there, if...
OUR COMPOUND
In the foreground the big gate. Above it a sign: STALAG 17-
D. On both sides of the gate German guards in heavy coats,
rifles slung over their shoulders. They stomp about in
enormous boots with high cork soles to keep warm. Beyond the
gate about eight low barracks form a U about the Appell-
ground. They are primitive one-story wooden structures all
set up on stilts about two feet high. From one of the
buildings -- the Administration Building -- flies the
swastika. In between the barracks are the wash latrines. A
road runs through the slushy compound to the compound beyond.
ONE OF THE GOON TOWERS
A couple of German guards up there, one at the machine gun,
the other working the searchlight.
COOKIE'S VOICE
you bothered to count the Russians
and the Poles and the Czechs. In our
Compound there were about six hundred
and thirty of us -- all American
airmen, all shot down by the Krauts --
radio operators, gunners and engineers --
all sergeants. Now you put six hundred
and thirty sergeants together and
boinnnnng! -- you've got yourself a
situation! There was more fireworks
shooting off around that place! Take
for instance the story about the spy
we had in our barrack. It was about
a week before Christmas in '44 and
two of our guys -- Manfredi and
Johnson to be exact -- were just
getting set to blow the joint...
THE HUNDEFUEHRER
A German guard plodding along inside the barbed wire with
four mean mastiffs straining at the leash. The light from
the goon tower grazes over him.
ONE OF THE BARRACKS
The light sweeps slowly over the long shack. Catches the
sign: BARACKE 4. Catches one of the doors, locked from outside
with a heavy wooden bar.
INSIDE BARRACK
Bunks on both sides. Tripledecked bunks. In the bunks seventy-
five American P.O.W.s huddled in blankets. In between the
bunks, in the little space left to them, crude tables, an
iron stove, makeshift stools. Every inch crowded with whatever
they have. Up above and all the way down the barrack hangs
their wash. Over all of it, the heavy stench of seventy-five
men cooped up. From outside through the broken, patched
windows the searchlight sweeps over the bunks. The men are
all asleep. Or are they?
THE FAR END OF THE BARRACK
This is the strategic spot of the story. In the five tiers
of bunks live our major characters.
In the upper bunk lies HOFFY. Little fellow. Plenty of
authority. The Barrack Chief. His eyes are wide open. He is
studying his wristwatch, the phosphorescent numerals shining
in the dark.
In the other bunks lie the others, wide awake, tense:
DUKE, big bellyacher.
TRIZ, six-foot-three, ninety-eight pounds.
PRICE, the barrack Security Chief. Quiet, touch of class.
MANFREDI, no cover, fully dressed.
HARRY, bug-eyed, cocky.
BLONDIE, fair-skinned, boyish.
JOHNSON, fully dressed like Manfredi. Scared.
SEFTON, casual. In his mouth a cold cigar butt.
Hoffy again. Still staring at the wristwatch. This is the
moment. He lifts the metal dogtags off his chest and jiggles
them. This is the signal.
Duke instantly slides out of the bunk, grabs up his blanket
and moves toward the window. A searchlight beam sweeps across.
Duke goes flush on the ground. The light passes on. Duke
gets up again and starts hanging the blanket over the window.
Now the others go into action, silently, efficiently. Except
for Manfredi and Johnson they are all in long winter
underwear, some in slacks and socks.
As for Sefton, he is lying in his bunk just watching them.
Blondie hangs a blanket over the window. Triz swings one
over the clothesline to shield off their end of the barrack.
Hoffy and Price light a couple of handmade lamps: margarine
in tin cans with the wick stuck inside.
Manfredi and Johnson are putting on their leather jackets.
Harry tries to awaken STOSH in the bunk above him. The wooden
boards around Stosh's bunk are plastered with Betty Grable
cheesecake. Harry pokes him. Stosh does not respond. Harry
interlocks his fingers, puts them close to Stosh's ears and
cracks them in a SHARP SALVO. Stosh opens his eyes, dazed.
Harry pats Stosh's cheek.
HARRY
(in a whisper)
Get up, Animal! Betty Grable's on
the phone!
Stosh gives him a dirty look. Gets out of the bunk. He and
Harry move to the little iron stove. Triz is already
dismantling the pipe above the stove. Harry and Stosh lift
the stove and start inching it to one side.
Hoffy moving to a large bucket of water. It is a trick job:
a bucket within a bucket. He lifts out the shallow inner
part with the water. Hidden underneath are some civilian
clothes. He takes them out, crosses to Manfredi and Johnson.
(All the dialogue in this scene in whispers, of course.)
HOFFY
Here's your civilian clothes, boys.
MANFREDI
Okay, Hoffy.
Duke takes the clothes from Hoffy and starts stuffing them
into a small barrack bag.
HOFFY
Bury your Army outfits before you
get out of the forest.
MANFREDI
Okay.
HOFFY
The compass is the top button on
your pants, Johnson.
JOHNSON
Okay.
Sefton, propped up in his bunk, watches the proceedings with
a pitying little smile. He eyes wander to Harry and Stosh.
By now they have moved the stove some four feet to the side,
and start carefully lifting some sawed-off planks out of the
floor.
Blondie is standing watch by the blanket-covered window,
peeking out.
Price slips a wire hook down into the crack between a bunk
and the wall, fishes out a sheaf of papers and walks to
Manfredi and Johnson.
PRICE
Anybody asks for your papers, you're
French laborers.
He hands them the papers.
PRICE
Your map -- your Kraut money -- Swiss
francs.
MANFREDI
Roger.
PRICE
Now, let's hear it once more, boys.
JOHNSON
We've been over it a hundred times.
HOFFY
Let's hear it again.
MANFREDI
We stick to the forest going west
until we hit the Danube --
PRICE
Check.
JOHNSON
Then follow the Danube up to Linz --
PRICE
Check.
JOHNSON
In Linz we hop a barge and go all
the way to Ulm --
From OFF come the WEIRD SOUNDS of an ocarina being played.
They turn.
It's JOEY in his bunk playing the sweet potato. He's nuts
all right.
DUKE
Stop it, Joey -- go to sleep!
Joey hides the ocarina behind his back, afraid they may take
it away.
PRICE
(to Johnson)
Go on. You're in Ulm.
JOHNSON
Once in Ulm we lie low until night,
then take a train to Friedrichshafen.
MANFREDI
Then once in Friedrichshafen we steal
a rowboat, get some fishing tackle,
and start drifting across the lake --
always south -- until we hit the
other side -- Switzerland.
Sefton has gotten out of his bunk, and is picking up the
margarine lamp.
SEFTON
Bingo. Once in Switzerland, just
give out with a big yodel so we'll
know you're there. It's a breeze,
boys.
He lights his cigar butt with the margarine lamp. Manfredi
and Johnson shoot him a nervous glance.
HOFFY
Stay out of it, Sefton.
SEFTON
Just one question. Did you calculate
the risk?
Harry and Stosh have by now removed the loose planks off the
floor. A small black hole gapes below them.
HARRY
Ready.
Hoffy, Price, Manfredi and Johnson move toward the trap door,
Johnson carrying the barrack bag. Hoffy looks at his watch.
HOFFY
You got ten minutes to get through
the tunnel. That'll bring you out
just when the Jerries are changing
shifts.
(Turns to window)
Blondie?
Blondie gives him the high sign.
HOFFY
(to Manfredi and
Johnson)
Okay, boys -- peel off.
There are handshakes, goodbyes and good-lucks.
STOSH
When you get going on those broads,
think of me!
HARRY
Animal! Animal! Aren't you ashamed
of yourself? A couple of guys are
trying to escape and you're thinking
of broads. Broads?
He does a take.
JOHNSON
(with feeling)
We'll miss you, you cruds.
He turns and climbs down through the trap. Before Manfredi
follows him, he turns away, goes down on his knee, crosses
himself quickly.
UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)
Johnson has already landed on the ground. Manfredi slips
down. They look around and start crawling off in the direction
of the latrine.
INT. BARRACK 4 - (SHOOTING UP THROUGH TRAP)
Stosh is peering after them, his head hanging down through
the trap from above. Beyond him in the barrack, Hoffy, Price
and Duke bend over Stosh, waiting for developments.
UNDERNEATH BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)
From Stosh's point of view: Manfredi and Johnson have now
reached the end of the barrack and are crawling into the
compound towards the wash latrine some fifteen feet away. A
searchlight sweeps dangerously towards them.
INT. BARRACK
Stosh pulls up from the trap, his eyes closed, his fingers
in his ears. He doesn't want to see or hear the two out there
get shot. The others stand petrified. No shots, no screams.
So Stosh bends down into the trap again.
EXT. BARRACK 4 - (NIGHT)
Manfredi and Johnson just manage to fling themselves back
under the barrack as the searchlight sweeps past. Then, they
get on their feet again and dash to the wash latrine -- just
ahead of another searchlight from the other direction.
INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)
A primitive, roofless structure, with wooden partitions
shielding it from the outside. Above, a water tank with pipes
running down to spigots over a trough. Under the trough, a
wooden lattice to stand on.
Manfredi and Johnson have reached first base. They stand
breathless. Then Manfredi picks up the lattice, leans it
against the trough, and lifts a dirt-covered trap leading
into the tunnel. Johnson has tied the barrack bag to his own
ankle. They HEAR BARKING. Freeze.
THE HUNDEFUEHRER
Leading the mastiffs past the wash latrine. One of the
mastiffs is BARKING. He seems to smell something, but the
other dogs pull him along.
INT. WASH LATRINE - (NIGHT)
Manfredi and Johnson wait until the BARKING fades in the
distance. Johnson, the barrack bag tied to his ankle, jumps
down into the narrow vertical shaft. Manfredi follows. He
pulls the trap shut over his head in such a way that the
lattice falls into place on top of it.
THE TUNNEL
A shaft about three feet square and five feet deep leads
into a narrow, crudely shored-up tunnel. Johnson and Manfredi
light their Zippo lighters and start worming their way through
the tunnel, Johnson leading the way, the barrack bag dragging
from his ankle.
INT. BARRACK
Harry and Stosh moving the stove back into place. Hoffy fixing
up the trick bucket. Price pacing up and down. Sefton leaning
against a bunk, smoking the cigar.
HOFFY
They ought to be under the barbed
wire soon.
BLONDIE
(still covering the
window)
Looks good outside.
STOSH
I hope they hit the Danube before
dawn.
PRICE
They got a good chance. This is the
longest night of the year.
TRIZ
I bet you they make it to
Friedrichshafen all right.
STOSH
I bet they get all the way to
Switzerland!
SEFTON
And I bet they don't even get out of
the forest.
They all look at him.
DUKE
Now what kind of a crack is that?
SEFTON
No crack. Two packs of cigarettes
say they don't get out of the forest.
HOFFY
That's enough, Sefton. Crawl back
into your sack.
HARRY
He'd make book on his own mother
getting hit by a truck!
Sefton takes two packs of cigarettes from his pocket and
throws them on the table.
SEFTON
Anybody call?
HOFFY
Go on, Sefton -- butt out!
DUKE
Wait a minute, Hoffy -- I want to
back those kids. I'll cover ten of
that.
He starts shaking cigarettes out of his pack onto the table.
TRIZ
I'll take five.
PRICE
Eight.
HOFFY
Put me down for ten, you louse.
DUKE
(throwing two packs
on the table)
I'll call the whole pot.
SEFTON
Whatever you say.
(calling off)
Hey, Cookie -- get me some more
cigarettes.
COOKIE, a chipmunk of a kid, scrambles down from his bunk --
the one above Sefton's. Drags out a footlocker from under
Sefton's bunk. The footlocker is chained to the bunk-post.
Cookie opens it, starts taking cigarettes out.
About twelve guys are around Sefton by now, making their
bets.
HARRY
Here's two and a half.
SEFTON
No butts.
Cookie comes over with a carton.
COOKIE
(With a stammer)
W-w-will that do or do you want some
m-m-m --?
SEFTON
That'll do.
He rips open the carton.
SEFTON
Speak up, boys. Any more sports in
the crowd?
INSIDE TUNNEL
Johnson and Manfredi crawling on, by the light of their
Zippos. Johnson dragging the bag behind him. They are dripping
with perspiration. From above comes a little shower of loose
earth.
Johnson stops as he comes to the end of the tunnel. There is
another shaft leading up. He picks up a rusty can and starts
digging at the earth above.
20. THE OPEN GROUND ABOVE - (NIGHT)
In the pine forest some thirty feet outside the barbed wire.
From the goon towers, the lights sweep over the camp and
over the edge of the forest.
The tin can thrusts through the ground as Johnson digs into
the open. Then, when the opening is wide enough, he climbs
out, his face covered with sweat and dirt. He helps Manfredi
out. They lie on the ground for a moment, exhausted. Then
Johnson starts untieing the bag from his ankle.
MANFREDI
Let's go.
He rises. There is a SHARP BURST of MACHINE GUN FIRE. Manfredi
falls instantly. Johnson, not knowing where the gunfire is
coming from, tries to turn and run, the bag dragging behind
him.
From a hillock about thirty feet off a MACHINE GUN, manned
by three German guards, is blasting away.
A light from one of the goon towers picks up Johnson, running.
The machine gun gets him, ripping his chest. He spins and
crumples to the ground. The light swings to Manfredi.
Bleeding, he tries to crawl back to the safety of the tunnel.
There is another BURST of FIRE --
INSIDE BARRACK
The men have all run to the window and look out.
All except Sefton and Cookie. They stand at the table where
the cigarettes are. And in back of them: Joey, sitting in
his bunk, comprehending nothing.
There is another BURST of FIRE. Then all is silent. The men
turn back into the room, sickened.
BLONDIE
Filthy Krauts!
DUKE
What slipped up, Hoffy?
HOFFY
Don't ask me. Price was elected
Security.
DUKE
(To Price)
Okay, Security -- what happened?
PRICE
I wish I knew. We had everything
figured out. To the last detail.
STOSH
Maybe the Krauts knew about that
tunnel all the time!
HARRY
Shut up, Animal!
STOSH
Maybe they were layin' for 'em out
there!
SEFTON
(casually)
Yeah. Maybe.
He gives Cookie a sign. Cookie pulls the front of his shirt
out of his pants and holds it out against the edge of the
table. Sefton sweeps the mass of cigarettes into Cookie's
shirt.
DUKE
Hold it, Sefton. So we heard some
shots -- so who says they didn't get
away?
SEFTON
Anybody here wanna double their bet?
No answer. He nods to Cookie again. Cookie carries the
cigarettes to their bunks. Sefton follows him, kicks open
the footlocker. Cookie dumps the loot in.
The men are looking at them. Stosh sees a cigarette on the
floor which Cookie has dropped. He picks it up and tosses it
into Sefton's footlocker viciously.
FADE OUT:
END OF SEQUENCE "A"
SEQUENCE "B"
FADE IN:
THE CAMP - DAWN
Another miserable day has begun. The barracks loom in the
murky light.
From the Administration Building -- the one with the swastika --
come a dozen German guards, Lugers hanging from their belts.
They spread out and cross the muddy compound toward the
barracks, BLOWING WHISTLES shrilly. They lift the wooden
bars off the doors and go inside.
FELDWEBEL SCHULZ has arrived at Barrack 4. He is an enormous
man, about fifty-five. His cauliflower ears make a good
vegetable for his pig-knuckle face. He removes the bar, opens
the door, stands there WHISTLING like a madman, enters.
COOKIE'S VOICE
Funny thing about those Krauts. They
hated the sight of us yet they
couldn't wait to look at us again.
Every morning -- at six on the dot --
they'd have the Appell -- that's
roll call to you. Each barrack had
its own alarm clock. Our alarm clock
was Johann Sebastian Schulz. I
understand the Krauts had a composer
way back with the Johann Sebastian
in it -- but I can tell you one thing:
Schulz was no composer. He was a
Schweinehund. Oh, Mother -- was he
ever a lousy Schweinehund!
INT. BARRACK
Schulz is marching down the barrack, beating the bunks with
his stick.
SCHULTZ
Aufstehen, gentlemen! Appell! Raus!
Hurry up!
Men start sliding out of their bunks. Others roll over in
their sacks, groaning.
SCHULTZ
You must get up for roll call! Raus,
raus, gentlemen! Everybody aufstehen!
Raus!
MEN
We heard you, Schulz!
And good morning to you!
Aw, break it off!
Why don't you take that whistle and
shove it!
Tell the Kommandant I've got
dysentery!
Shut up, Schulz -- you're talking to
sergeants of the United States Air
Force!
Look at this chilblain. Ain't it a
beaut!
SCHULTZ
Raus! Raus! Aufstehen!
Whacking the bunks, Schulz has reached our end of barrack.
Hoffy and Price are getting into their clothes.
HOFFY
Come on, sack rats -- cut the bitchin'
and get up!
Duke, Triz and Blondie start climbing out, yawning and
scratching themselves.
PRICE
Say, Schulz -- you guys had machine
gun practice last night?
SCHULTZ
(throwing up his hands)
Ach, terrible! Such foolish boys.
Such nice boys. I'd better not talk
about it. It makes me sick to my
stomach.
DUKE
You killed them, huh? Both of them?
SCHULTZ
Such nice boys! It makes me sick to --
DUKE
Don't wear it out!
Schulz moves to Joey. Joey is sitting in his bunk, TOOTLING
on his ocarina. Schulz raps the sweet potato with his stick.
SCHULTZ
Outside! You, too! Put away the
piccolo!
Joey hides the sweet potato, staring at Schulz, frightened.
Schulz jerks him off the bunk.
SCHULTZ
Los, los. Dummkopf!
HOFFY
(pushing in)
Lay off, Schulz. He's got a sickness.
He's krank.
SCHULTZ
Sometimes I think he is fooling us
with that crazy business.
HOFFY
Yeah? How would you like to see the
guts of nine pals splattered all
over your plane?
(to Joey)
C'mon Joey -- don't be afraid.
He helps him up and starts putting clothes on him.
Schultz has approached bunk with Harry and Stosh. He pokes
Harry with the stick.
SCHULTZ
Aufstehen, gentlemen! Please! You do
not want to stay in bed on such a
beautiful morning we are having today!
HARRY
Say, Schulz --
SCHULTZ
Jawohl?
HARRY
Sprechen Sie deutsch?
SCHULTZ
Jawohl.
HARRY
Then droppen Sie dead!
SCHULTZ
(splitting his sides)
Ja -- ja! Droppen Sie dead! Always
mit the jokes! Droppen Sie dead!
He pokes Stosh with the stick.
SCHULTZ
Aufstehen! Appell!
He moves on.
Harry bends over Stosh, shaking him.
HARRY
Get up, Animal. Come on!
Stosh doesn't budge. Harry again gives him a knuckle-cracking
salvo. Stosh opens his eyes automatically.
HARRY
(sweetly)
Good morning, Animal! What'll it be
for breakfast? Scrambled eggs with
little sausages? Bacon and eggs sunny-
side up? Griddle cakes? A waffle?
STOSH
Stop it, Harry!
HARRY
Coffee? Milk? Or how about a little
cocoa?
STOSH
(grabbing him by the
collar)
Why do you do this to me every
morning?
HARRY
(with sadistic speed)
Hamburger and onions! Strawberry
shortcake! Gefillte fish! Banana
split! French fried potatoes! Chicken
a la king!
The last items are coming out with a gurgling SOUND as Stosh
tightens the grip on Harry's neck.
STOSH
I'll kill you, Harry -- so help me!
HARRY
Let go, Animal! It's roll call! Hitler
wants to see you!
Sefton is standing near his bunk, getting dressed. Cookie is
helping him to zip up his luxurious flyer's boots.
SCHULTZ
Good morning, Sefton.
SEFTON
Good morning, Schulz. And how's Mrs.
Schulz? And all the little Schulzes?
SCHULTZ
Fine -- fine!
He looks at the two bunks which were occupied by Manfredi
and Johnson. Takes off his gloves.
SCHULTZ
Let us see. We have now two empty
bunks here.
(takes out pencil and
notebook, writes)
Nummer einundsiebzig und Nummer
dreiundsiebzig in Baracke vier.
PRICE
Suppose you let those mattresses
cool off a little -- just out of
decency?
SCHULTZ
Ja, ja, gewiss! It is only that we
are cramped for space with new
prisoners every day.
(to the whole barrack)
Gentlemen! Outside! Please! Do you
want me to have trouble with the
Kommandant again!
He starts herding them out the door.
STOSH
Hey, Schulz -- as long as you're
going to move somebody in -- how
about a couple of those Russian
broads?
SCHULTZ
Russian women prisoners?
HARRY
Jawohl!
SCHULTZ
Some are not bad at all.
STOSH
Just get us a couple with big
Glockenspiels.
SCHULTZ
Ja! Ja! Droppen Sie dead!
Splitting his sides, he pushes them out, and follows.
EXT. COMPOUND - COLD GREY MORNING
Most of the P.O.W.s are out of their barracks by now. A mass
of freezing, disheveled men. Some wear Army coats over their
underwear, knitted caps pulled down over their ears. Some
are huddled in blankets, their feet in wooden clogs. Only a
few are fully dressed and shaven. A few are on crutches or
bandaged up.
They assemble before their respective barracks, forming a U
facing the center of the compound. The barrack chiefs are
assisting the guards in lining them up, fifteen abreast and
five deep.
Supervised by Schulz and Hoffy the last ones from Barrack 4
emerge.
HOFFY
All right, men -- fall in!
From off comes:
GERMAN OFFICER'S VOICE
Ach-tung! Abzaehlen!
The HUB-BUB dies down.
The guards march down the front line of their barrack groups,
counting the lines of five in German.
As Schulz passes him, Blondie spots something in the middle
of the compound. He nudges Duke. Duke nudges Price, Price
Harry, Harry Stosh, Stosh Cookie. Cookie nudges Sefton who
is putting on his wool gloves. The glove drops. They all
look off in the same direction.
In the center of the compound, right smack in the mud, lie
the corpses of Johnson and Manfredi, covered with a blanket.
You know it's them because Johnson's foot is sticking out,
with the barrack bag still tied to it.
A stir goes through the men of Barrack 4. They are hit hard.
All but Sefton. He looks at the corpses for a moment, then
bends down, picks up the glove and starts putting it on.
In front of the Administration Building a German Lieutenant
has been supervising a couple of guards as they lay narrow
planks over the mud in a line leading to the middle of the
compound. He turns now to the P.O.W.s.
GERMAN LIEUTENANT
Parade Atten-tion!
The German guards come to rigid attention. The Americans
just stand there, sullenly.
The Lieutenant comes to a heil salute. Through the open door
of the Administration Building steps the Kommandant, OBERST
VON SCHERBACH, followed by another Lieutenant. Von Scherbach
is a big erect officer of the Potsdam School. Over his
shoulder hangs a furlined officer's coat. His boots shine
like polished glass. He glances over the compound, then walks
down the planks, followed by the two Lieutenants, marching
through the mud on both sides of him. Von Scherbach stops at
the end of the plank. In front of him lies a deep puddle. He
clicks his heels and raises his hand in a heil salute.
VON SCHERBACH
Guten Morgen, Sergeants!
A glowering silence from the men. Von Scherbach lowers his
hand.
VON SCHERBACH
Nasty weather we're having, eh? And
I so much hoped that we could give
you a white Christmas -- just like
the ones you used to know... Aren't
those the words that clever little
man wrote -- you know the one who
stole his name from our capital --
that something-or-other Berlin?
He waits until his nasty little joke sinks in. Schulz has
come up to the Lieutenant, salutes and hands him the slips
of paper with the prisoner count.
VON SCHERBACH
Look at that mud. Come spring -- and
I do hope you'll still be with us
next spring -- we shall plant some
grass here -- and perhaps some
daffodils --
He turns to the Lieutenant for the tabulations.
VON SCHERBACH
Ich bitte!
LIEUTENANT
(checking the papers)
Melde gehorchsamst: 628 Gefangene.
Zwei Mann fehlen in Baracke vier.
VON SCHERBACH
(to the P.O.W.s)
I understand we are minus two men
this morning. I am surprised at you,
gentlemen. Here I am trying to be
your friend and you do these
embarrassing things to me. Don't you
know this could get me into hot water
with the High Command? They do not
like men escaping from Stalag 17 -
especially, not enemy airmen from
Compound D. We plucked you out of
the skies and now we must see to it
you do not fly away. Because you
would come back and blast our cities
again. The High Command would be
very angry with me. They would strip
me of my rank. They would courtmartial
me, after all these years of a perfect
record! Now you wouldn't want that
to happen to me, would you?
Fortunately, those two men --
From the ranks of the men comes the EERIE DISSONANT SOUNDS
of Joey's SWEET POTATO.
Joey, in the second row of the Barrack 4 company, is playing
on his ocarina, oblivious to what is going on. Stosh turns
and quickly grabs the ocarina from Joey's mouth.
Von Scherbach chooses to disregard the little musical
interlude.
VON SCHERBACH
As I was saying: fortunately those
two men did not get very far. They
had the good sense to rejoin us again,
so my record would stand unblemished.
Nobody has ever escaped from Stalag
17. Not alive, anyway.
He snaps his fingers in the direction of the guard who stands
watch over the corpses.
The guard pulls back the blanket in such a manner that all
we can see is the barrack bag tied to Johnson's leg.
The P.O.W.s however see the corpses. There is an ANGRY BUZZ.
Hoffy marches up to Von Scherbach.
HOFFY
(saluting)
Sergeant Hoffman from Barrack 4.
VON SCHERBACH
Yes, Sergeant Hoffman?
HOFFY
As the duly elected Compound Chief,
I protest the way these bodies are
left lying in the mud.
VON SCHERBACH
Anything else?
HOFFY
Yes. According to the Geneva
Convention, dead prisoners are to be
given a decent burial.
VON SCHERBACH
Of course. I'm aware of the Geneva
Convention. They will be given the
burial they deserve. Or perhaps you
would suggest we haul in twenty-one
cannons from the Eastern Front and
give them a twenty-one gun salute?
Hoffy turns on his heel and walks back to his men.
Von Scherbach, without even looking at the corpses, snaps
his fingers. The guard throws the blanket back over the
bodies.
VON SCHERBACH
For the last time, gentlemen, let me
remind you: any prisoners found
outside the barracks after lights
out will be shot on sight.
Furthermore, the iron stove in Barrack
4, the one camouflaging the trap
door, will be removed. And so that
the men from this barrack will not
suffer from the cold, they will keep
warm by filling in the escape tunnel.
Is that clear?
The men just stand there, in frustrated anger. Stosh clenches
the ocarina in his first.
VON SCHERBACH
All right, then, gentlemen. We are
all friends again. And with Christmas
coming on, I have a special treat
for you. I'll have you all deloused
for the holidays. And I'll have a
little tree for every barrack. You
will like that.
Stosh, with a quick underhand flip, throws the sweet potato
in the direction of Von Scherbach.
It lands smack in the middle of the puddle in front of Von
Scherbach and splashes his boots with mud.
VON SCHERBACH
(stiffening)
Who did this?
Absolute silence.
VON SCHERBACH
I will give the funny man exactly
five seconds to step forward.
He looks about the compound. Five seconds pass. Nobody moves.
VON SCHERBACH
Then you shall all stand here if it
takes all day and all night.
From the ranks of the men of Barrack 4, Stosh steps forward.
VON SCHERBACH
That is better!
But his triumph is short-lived, for almost instantly Harry
steps forward alongside Stosh. Then Duke and Blondie and
Cookie. Spontaneously, men from all the other barracks follow
until all the P.O.W.s have moved forward one step.
VON SCHERBACH
I see! Six hundred funny men! ...There
will be no Christmas trees! But there
will be delousing.
(to Schulz)
With ice water from the hoses!
He wheels about and marches back up the plank and into the
Administration Building. His Lieutenants after him. Two of
the guards start picking up the planks again.
SCHULTZ
(shouting, to the
P.O.W.s)
Dismissed!
The men break ranks, going off in all directions, some back
to the barracks, some toward the latrines.
Only Joey stands where he stood, his eyes fastened on the
puddle. Slowly he walks toward it. He bends down and fishes
out his sweet potato, dripping with mud. It is broken. He
wipes the pieces off on his coat and hides them inside his
jacket.
INT. WASH LATRINE
Packed with men from Barrack 4, about two dozen of them.
Others waiting outside for their turn. At the trough washing:
Hoffy, Price, Duke, Stosh, Harry, Cookie and Sefton. No soap.
A couple of worn-out towels. Except for Sefton: He's got
soap, towel and tooth brush.
STOSH
(imitating von
Scherbach)
'We will remove the iron stove --
the one that was camouflaging the
trap door.'
HARRY
I'm telling you, Animal, these Nazis
ain't Kosher.
STOSH
You can say that again!
HARRY
I'm telling you, Animal -- these
Nazis ain't Ko --
STOSH
(grabbing him)
I said say it again. I didn't say
repeat it.
Triz reaches for Sefton's soap, but gets a sharp rap on the
knuckles.
SEFTON
Private property, bub.
DUKE
How come the Krauts knew about that
stove, Security? And the tunnel? How
come you can't lay down a belch around
here without them knowing it?
PRICE
Look -- if you don't like the way
I'm handling this job --
HOFFY
Kill it, Duke. It's got us all
spinning.
DUKE
I just want to know what makes those
Krauts so smart.
STOSH
Maybe they're doin' it with radar.
Maybe they got a mike hidden some
place.
HARRY
Yeah. Right up Joey's ocarina.
DUKE
Or maybe it's not that they're so
smart. Maybe it's that we're so
stupid. Maybe there's somebody in
our barracks that's tipping 'em off!
One of us!
HOFFY
Come again?
DUKE
You betcha. I said one of us is a
stoolie. A dirty, stinkin' stoolie!
SEFTON
Is that Einstein's theory? Or did
you figure it out yourself?
A P.O.W. sticks his head into the doorway.
P.O.W.
(breathless)
New dames in the Russian compound!
Stosh lets go with a SCREAM. He takes off like shot from a
cannon, Harry after him. Instantly the wash latrine is emptied
of the men, wet as they are. Nobody is left but Price, Hoffy,
Duke, Sefton and Cookie.
EXT. COMPOUND
It's a stampede. P.O.W.s are rushing across the compound
toward the Russian compound.
Stosh, charging like a bull, gets tripped and falls flat on
his puss right into a mud puddle. Harry zooms past him. Stosh
picks himself up and runs after him, his winter underwear
dripping with mud.
THE BARBED WIRE FENCE
dividing the American and Russian compounds. P.O.W.s rush in
from all sides, about a hundred of them. They go as far as
they are permitted; to a low warning wire, running parallel
to the big fence some fifteen feet away. To cross the warning
wire is verboten. The German guards up in the goon towers
insure that.
There is great excitement among the P.O.W.s. Some give out
with cat-calls and wolf-whistles; others just stand there
staring.
Beyond the fence a new batch of Russian prisoners has just
been brought in. German guards are counting some sixty
prisoners, about twenty of them women. They all are in
uniforms and wear boots, a bedraggled lot. The women are big
buxom dames, not exactly Golden Circle material, but this is
war.
The Americans jump up and down trying to attract the women's
attention. They throw cigarettes, chewing gum, chocolate.
One guy is dancing the Kazatski, two of his pals holding him
up.
P.O.W.S
Yee-ow!
Tovarich! Tovarich!
Oh you sweethearts!
Let's open the third front!
Hey, Minks -- Pinsk!
How about some borscht -- the two of
us!
Stosh and Harry push right up to trip wire. Stosh, plastered
with mud, goes completely berserk.
STOSH
Hey -- Russki -- Russki! Look at
those bublichkis! Over here!
HARRY
Comrade! Comrade! Otchi Tchorniya --
Otchi Tchorniya!
Stosh puts two fingers in his mouth and tries to whistle. He
gets his mouth full of mud. Spits out the mud. Searches madly
through his pockets and throws whatever he can find across
the fence.
STOSH
Chewing gum -- chewing gum!
Some of the Russian women break the ranks to pick up the
goodies that come flying over. The German guards push them
back. The women smile at the Americans and wave.
STOSH
(at the top of his
lungs)
Look at me! I'm your baby!
(to Harry)
Get a load of that blonde one! Built
like a brick Kremlin!
HARRY
Hey -- Comrade! Over here! This is
Harry Shapiro -- the Volga Boatman
of Barrack four!
STOSH
Lay off! The blonde is mine!
The women are being led away by the guards.
STOSH
(screaming)
Hey, Olga -- Volga -- wait for me!
He takes off blindly toward the women, trips immediately
over the warning wire and falls flat on his face in the mud
again.
Up in the goon tower the guard swivels the machine gun and
yells down.
GUARD
Zurueck oder wir schiessen! Zurueck!
Harry frantically grabs Stosh by the feet and pulls him back,
under the wire.
STOSH
Let me go! Let me go!
HARRY
They'll shoot you, Animal!
He lies right on top of him, holding him by the wrists.
STOSH
I don't care! Let me go!
From OFF come the SOUNDS of a dishpan being beaten and shouts
of "Chow!" Some of the P.O.W.s start to go back to the
barracks.
HARRY
It's chow, Animal! Chow!
STOSH
Who wants to eat? I just wanna get
over there!
HARRY
No you don't! You don't want any
broads with boots on!
STOSH
I don't care if they wear galoshes!
HARRY
You want Betty Grable!
STOSH
Let me go!
HARRY
(yelling)
Betty Grable!
Stosh's face lights up.
HARRY
Animal! When the war's over, remember
I told you I'd fix you up with Betty
Grable!
STOSH
Yeah? How you going to fix me up
with Betty Grable?
HARRY
How? We go to California. I got a
cousin that's working for the Los
Angeles Gas Company. That's how we
get the address, see? Isn't that
clever? I take you up to her house
and ring the doorbell and say,
'Congratulations, Miss Grable. We
have voted you the girl we'd most
like to be behind barbed wire with,
and I'm here to present the award'.
STOSH
What's the award?
HARRY
What d'ya think, jerko! You're the
award!
STOSH
Me? What if she don't want me?
HARRY
If she don't want you, she don't get
anything.
STOSH
(grabbing him)
You're teasing me again!
HARRY
(gagging)
Let go, Animal! It's chow! We'll
miss chow!
Stosh relaxes his hold and drops him like a limp rag. They
scramble to their feet and run off towards Barrack 4.
INT. BARRACK
Chow time. Most of the men sit around eating. Only a few are
still in line. They stand before a washtub, from which Triz
ladles out a thin brew. Then each man gets a pitiful slice
of sawdust bread, cut by Blondie at the table.
1ST G.I.
(in chow line)
What's this stuff anyhow? Manicure
water?
2ND G.I.
This is what I like -- a hearty meal.
3RD G.I.
They finally found the formula: an
Ersatz of an Ersatz.
Hoffy, back in the line with Joey, carrying both chow cans.
HOFFY
What's holding up the parade?
4TH G.I.
Are you supposed to drink this stuff
or shave?
DUKE
(next in line)
Drink.
(tastes the stuff)
Shave.
Hoffy gets the two cans filled, gives one to Joey. This is
the end of the line.
TRIZ
Anyone else want potato soup?
No answer. He takes out a homemade washboard and a pair of
socks, puts them in the tea and starts scrubbing.
Through the door, Stosh and Harry come running.
STOSH
(out of breath)
Chow! Where's the chow!
He dashes to his bunk, gets his chow can and is about to dip
it into the tub, when he sees what Triz is doing.
STOSH
Take your socks outa my breakfast!
Triz takes the socks out. Stosh dips in his chow can.
HARRY
No, Animal.
STOSH
No?
HARRY
No. Your eyeball goes. The top of
your head. Gotta wind up with
athlete's stomach.
Stosh pours back his tea, a miserable man. His eyes fall on
the door. An electric shock goes through him. He grabs Harry's
arm. They look off:
Sefton has come into the barrack and is crossing toward the
iron stove. In his hand is the incredible -- more beautiful
than all the Kohinoors in the world: an egg.
Harry and Stosh stand there with their eyes bulging. They
start forward, drawn by the egg.
Cookie is at the stove, tending a can of boiling water. He
sees Sefton and puts a makeshift skillet (the banged-up top
of a tin can) with a dab of margarine in it, on the fire.
Sefton takes some keys out of his pocket, tosses them to
Cookie.
SEFTON
Set 'er up, Cookie. I'm starved.
Cookie goes towards Sefton's bunk. Sefton cracks the egg
into the skillet. Stosh and Harry move in, their eyes bulging
at sight of the sizzling beauty.
HARRY
Easy, Animal! Easy!
STOSH
Where'd that come from?
SEFTON
From a chicken, bug-wit.
STOSH
A chicken?
HARRY
Don't you remember, Animal? A chicken
lays those things.
STOSH
It's beautiful!
(to Sefton)
You goin' to eat it all yourself?
SEFTON
Uh-huh. The yellow and the white.
He flips the egg over in the skillet. Harry and Stosh cover
their eyes and yelp in panic. To their relief they see that
the egg has landed safely. The aroma of the frying egg has
brought about six P.O.W.s down from their bunks. They crowd
around, their mouths watering.
STOSH
Is it all right if we smell it?
SEFTON
Just don't drool on it.
HARRY
You're not going to eat the eggshells?
SEFTON
Help yourself.
He tosses him the eggshells. Harry gives one half to Stosh.
STOSH
(grateful)
Thanks. You're a real pal!
(on second thought)
What're we goin' to do with it?
HARRY
Plant it, Animal, and grow us a
chicken for Christmas.
Cookie, at Sefton's bunk, has taken from one of the
footlockers three cans, a china cup with a broken handle, a
fork, a spoon, and a salt-and-pepper shaker. He slams the
locker shut with his foot and sets everything up on the other
footlocker. Hoffy, Duke and Price, seated at the table eating
chow, eye him with disgust.
From the stove comes Sefton carrying the skillet and the can
of boiling water. The other P.O.W.s, including Harry and
Stosh, follow him, hypnotized by the egg. Sefton walks to
his bunk, sits down on a little stool, puts salt and pepper
on the egg. Cookie meanwhile has opened the cans. From one
of them he measures out a spoonful of instant coffee into
the cup and pours the boiling water over it. Sefton takes
two lumps of sugar out of the other can and some Zwieback
from the third can. The guys around him sniff the royal
breakfast. The situation is tense.
HOFFY
If I were you, Sefton, I'd eat that
egg some place else. Like for instance
under the barrack.
SEFTON
(sipping the coffee,
to Cookie)
A little weak today.
Cookie puts another half a spoonful of instant coffee into
the cup.
DUKE
Come on, Trader Horn! Let's hear it:
what'd you give the Krauts for that
egg?
SEFTON
(eating away)
Forty-five cigarettes. The price has
gone up.
STOSH
That wouldn't be the cigarettes you
took us for last night?
SEFTON
What was I going to do with them? I
only smoke cigars.
DUKE
Nice guy! The Krauts shoot Manfredi
and Johnson last night and today
he's out trading with them.
SEFTON
Look, this may be my last hot
breakfast on account of they're going
to take away that stove. So will you
let me eat it in peace?
STOSH
Ain't that too bad! Tomorrow he'll
have to suck a raw egg!
HARRY
He don't have to worry. He'll trade
the Krauts for a six-burner gas range.
Maybe a deep freeze too.
SEFTON
What's your beef, boys? So I'm
trading. Everybody here is trading.
Only maybe I trade a little sharper.
So that makes me a collaborator.
DUKE
A lot sharper, Sefton! I'd like to
have some of that loot you got in
those footlockers!
SEFTON
You would, would you? Listen, Stupe --
the first week I was in this joint
somebody stole my Red Cross package,
my blanket and my left shoe. Well, I
wised up since. This ain't no
Salvation Army -- this is everybody
for himself. Dog eat dog.
DUKE
You stink, Sefton!
He goes after him.
HOFFY
Come off it! Both of you!
A couple of P.O.W.s hold Duke back.
SEFTON
Now you've done it. You've given me
nervous indigestion.
(he gets up)
Anything else bothering you, boys?
PRICE
Just one little thing. How come you
were so sure Manfredi and Johnson
wouldn't get out of the forest?
SEFTON
I wasn't so sure. I just liked the
odds.
He picks up the skillet with the half-eaten egg.
SEFTON
And what's that crack supposed to
mean?
PRICE
They're lying dead in the mud out
there and I'm trying to find out how
come.
SEFTON
I'll tell you how come.
(pointing at Hoffy)
The Barrack Chief gave them the green
light. And you, our Security Officer,
said it'd be safe. That's how come.
He crosses to Joey who has been sitting on the edge of the
bunk looking on blankly and puts the skillet with the egg on
his lap. Turns back to the others.
SEFTON
What're you guys trying to prove
anyway? Cutting trap doors! Digging
tunnels! You know what the chances
are to get out of here? And let's
say you do get all the way to
Switzerland! Or say to the States?
So what? They ship you to the Pacific
and slap you in another plane. And
you get shot down again and you wind
up in a Japanese prison camp. That's
if you're lucky! Well, I'm no escape
artist! You can be the heroes, the
boys with the fruit salad on your
chest. Me -- I'm staying put. And
I'm going to make myself as
comfortable as I can. And if it takes
a little trading with the enemy to
get me some food or a better mattress
or a woman -- that's okay by Sefton!
He strikes a match on the sleeve of Duke's leather jacket
and lights himself a cigar.
DUKE
Why you crud! This war's going to be
over some day -- then what do you
think we'll do to Kraut-kissers like
you?
He lunges forward and there is a fracas, the others trying
to hold them back.
From off comes:
MARKO'S VOICE
At ease! At ease!
MARKO, the Inter-barrack Communications officer, has entered
from the compound, followed by a one-legged P.O.W., THE
CRUTCH. Marko gets up on a stool a piece of paper in his
hand.
MARKO
(yelling)
AT EASE!
HOFFY
Break it off, boys! At ease for the
news!
The ruckus subsides.
MARKO
Today's Camp News!
(reading)
Father Murray announces that due to
local regulations the Christmas
midnight Mass will be held at seven
in the morning!
STOSH
You can tell Father Murray to --
MARKO
At ease! He also says, quote: All
you sack rats better show up for the
services and no bull from anybody.
Unquote. At ease! Monday afternoon a
sailboat race will be held at the
cesspool. See Oscar Rudolph of Barrack
7 if you want to enter a yacht. Next:
Jack Cushingham and Larry Blake will
play Frank deNotta and Mike Cohen
for the pinochle championship of the
camp.
HARRY
That's a fix.
MARKO
At ease! Tuesday afternoon at two
o'clock all men from Texas will meet
behind the north latrine.
Boos and cheers.
MARKO
At ease! Next: A warning from
Kommandant von Scherbach. Anybody
found throwing rocks at low-flying
German aircraft will be thrown in
the boob. At ease! At ease!
(then in a lower voice)
Are the doors covered?
He looks around to make sure.
MARKO
(to The Crutch)
Okay, Steve. Give 'em the radio.
The Crutch, leaning against the edge of the table, pulls up
the empty pant leg. Attached there is a small radio, a
makeshift set with tubes showing. Also a pair of earphones.
Blondie starts getting it out.
MARKO
(to Hoffy)
You can keep it for two days.
HOFFY
Two days? We're supposed to have it
for a week!
MARKO
You're lucky to get it at all. The
boys are afraid the Jerries'll find
it here. This barrack is jinxed.
PRICE
Don't worry. We'll take care of it.
HOFFY
(to Stosh and Harry)
Take some men and get the antenna
going. Let's see if we can catch the
BBC.
In the background, Harry gets a volley ball from under the
bunk, Stosh picks up a roll of chicken wire from a corner of
the barrack, and the two lead six other P.O.W.s out into the
compound.
MARKO
What about those guys last night?
What gives in this barrack anyway?
DUKE
Just a little sickness. Somebody
around here's got the German measles.
SEFTON
He oughta know. He went to Johns
Hopkins. He used to be a bedpan.
MARKO
What's the gag?
SEFTON
(imitating him)
At ease! At ease!
Marko shrugs and turns to Hoffy.
MARKO
Be sure to put down the news. Looks
like the Germans have started a
counter-offensive and the other
barracks want to know.
Marko and The Crutch go off.
EXT. BARRACK
The men are setting up the chicken wire, attaching one end
to the barrack, and the other to a tall post: it becomes a
volley ball net, and in turn, an antenna. Stosh is slipping
a wire through the window into the barrack. They divide into
two teams, Stosh and Harry on opposite sides, and start
playing volley ball. In the background, Marko and The Crutch
are seen walking away.
INT. BARRACK
Triz has connected the antenna wire to the radio on the t
able. Blondie is sitting there with the earphones on, working
the dials, Price sitting next to him with pencil and paper.
The others stand around waiting.
PRICE
Getting anything?
BLONDIE
Getting too much. I'm tryin' to
unscramble.
SEFTON
If you can't get the BBC, how about
getting Guy Lombardo?
HOFFY
Are we boring you?
BLONDIE
Hold it... Quiet...
He repeats what he hears over the earphones while Price writes
it down.
BLONDIE
...has driven across Luxemburg...
The second German wedge is reported
fourteen miles west of Malmedy where
tank columns cut the road to
Bastogne... the Allied Air Force is
grounded by poor visibility...
The boys don't like what they hear.
EXT. BARRACK
The volley ball game is in fine progress, the ball popping
back and forth across the antenna. A German guard approaches,
puzzled over the sports activity on this lousy winter day.
He is a singularly grim fellow. He starts circling them.
Harry and Stosh, to appear nonchalant, break into the
SCHNITZELBANK SONG. The guard moves dangerously close to the
window. Quickly Harry flips the ball over the net at him.
The guard slaps it back across the net. Again Harry pops it
at him ... and slowly the guard finds himself sucked into
the game.
HARRY
Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar!
STOSH
He's the grrrrreatest!
The guard permits himself a smile as he goes on playing.
INT. BARRACK
The boys around the radio.
BLONDIE
(Repeating what he
hears)
...five Panzer divisions and nine
infantry divisions of von Rundstedt's
army have poured into the wide
breach... meanwhile two of Patton's
tank units have been diverted toward
Bastogne and are trying to --
It's jammed again. Blondie fiddles with the dials.
HOFFY
Come on!
BLONDIE
Static!
DUKE
Static is right! The radio's static,
Patton's static, we're static!
SEFTON
Maybe it's going to be a longer war
than you figured -- eh, Duke?
Triz, who has been standing watch at the door, now sees:
EXT. COMPOUND
Marching toward Barrack 4 are four German soldiers headed by
Schulz.
INT. BARRACK
Triz reaches up and snaps a string. All the wash in the
barrack jumps up and down. That's the signal.
Immediately the boys jump into action. Triz and Blondie
disconnect the wires. Hoffy takes the radio off the table
and they all start dispersing.
EXT. BARRACK
Schulz and the four German soldiers are about to enter the
barrack. Schulz pauses as he sees the guard playing volley
ball enthusiastically. Schulz taps him on his back. The guard
wheels around, freezes, clicks his heels. Schulz gives him a
disapproving look. Then he leads the four soldiers into the
barrack. Harry, Stosh and the other P.O.W.s follow, worried.
Schulz and the soldiers enter the barrack, followed by Harry,
Stosh and the other players.
The guys have just assumed innocent positions. A little too
innocent maybe.
SCHULTZ
Did I interrupt something, gentlemen?
STOSH
Yeah. We were just passing out guns.
SCHULTZ
(laughing)
Always joking. Always making
wisecrackers!
HARRY
Wisecrackers? Where did he pick up
his English? In a pretzel factory?
SCHULTZ
You always think I am a square. I
have been to America.
(he shows them his
cauliflower ears)
I wrestled in Milwaukee and St. Louis
and Cincinnati. And I will go back!
The way the war is going I will be
there before you!
HARRY
You should live so long.
Schulz has taken a wallet out of his pocket, shows a
photograph to them.
SCHULTZ
This is me in Cincinnati.
STOSH
Who's the other wrestler? The one
with the mustache?
SCHULTZ
That is my wife.
STOSH
(taking the photograph)
Look at all that meat. Isn't she the
bitter end!
SCHULTZ
(snatching it from
him)
Give it back. You must not arouse
yourselves.
HARRY
Hey, Schulz! I got a deal for you.
Suppose you help us escape. We'll go
home and have everything ready for
you in Madison Square Garden. For
the world championship! Schulz, the
Beast of Bavaria versus Halitosis
Jones!
SCHULTZ
Droppen Sie dead!
(to the German soldiers)
Raus mit dem Ofen. Los! Los!
The soldiers move toward the stove. As the scene proceeds
they dismantle the stove and ultimately carry it out.
SCHULTZ
(to the P.O.W.s)
All right, gentlemen! We will now
all go outside for a little gymnastic
and take some shovels and undig the
tunnel which you digged.
STOSH
Why don't we just plug up that tunnel --
with the Kommandant on one end and
you on the other.
SCHULTZ
It is not me. It is the orders. I am
your friend. I am your best friend
here.
DUKE
Cut out the guff, Schulz. We're on
to you. You know everything that's
happening in this barrack. Who's
tipping you off?
SCHULTZ
Tipping me off? I do not understand.
HOFFY
You're wasting your time, Duke.
(to the others)
Outside, everybody! Let's get it
over with.
PRICE
Wait a second, Hoffy. Schulz says
he's our best friend. Maybe he can
give us a little hint.
DUKE
Come on, Schulz! Spill it! How did
you get the information? About
Manfredi and Johnson? About the stove
and the tunnel? Who's giving it to
you? Which one of us is it?
SCHULTZ
Which one of you is what?
PRICE
Which one of us is the informer?
SCHULTZ
You are trying to say that an American
would inform on other Americans?
DUKE
That's the general idea.
(looking at Sefton)
Only it's not so general as far as
I'm concerned.
SCHULTZ
You are talking crazy!
SEFTON
(taking the cigar out
of his mouth)
No use, Schulz. You might as well
come clean. Why don't you just tell
'em it's me. Because I'm really the
illegitimate son of Hitler. And after
the Germans win the war you'll make
me the Gauleiter of Zinzinnati.
SCHULTZ
You Americans! You are the craziest
people! That's why I like you! I
wish I could invite you all to my
house for a nice German Christmas!
HARRY
(to Stosh)
Why don't we accept, Animal? The
worst that can happen is we wind up
a couple of lamp shades.
SCHULTZ
(jovially)
Raus! Raus! All of you!
By this time most of them have put on their warm clothes,
caps and gloves and are filing out.
Schulz starts to follow them, but stops short as he sees:
The electric light bulb hanging by a wire from the ceiling.
Just the bulb. No shade. The wire is tied up into a slip
knot.
Schulz reacts to what he has seen. he watches the last of
the P.O.W.s leave, and the Germans carry the stove out of
the barrack. He closes the door. His entire attitude has
changed. He is serious and efficient. He walks over to the
chess set on the table. Out of his pocket he takes a chess
piece -- a black queen -- and exchanges it with the black
queen from the set. He puts it in his pocket. Steps over to
the light bulb, pulls the slip knot free and exits.
The light bulb hangs straight now, swaying gently in the
empty barrack.
EXT. COMPOUND
The men from Barrack 4 are lined up between the latrine and
the barbed wire, starting to dig up the tunnel. They are
supervised by German guards. In the background, Schulz is
crossing from the barrack towards the Administration Building.
As the men dig, they look off at:
COOKIE'S VOICE
He was the Beast of Bavaria all right,
as we pieced it together later. And
there was a stoolie in our barrack,
just as Duke said. They had a very
simple communications system -- Schulz
and the stoolie...
An open German half-truck driving toward the big gate,
carrying two crude wooden coffins.
COOKIE'S VOICE
That's how the Krauts knew about the
tunnel, from the day we started
digging. Those poor suckers Manfredi
and Johnson! They got out of Stalag
17 sure enough, only not quite the
way they wanted to go.
The men have stopped digging. As the CAMERA goes down the
row they take off their caps. Joey does not comprehend.
Blondie, standing next to him, takes the cap off for him.
The CAMERA PULLS PAST Cookie who has taken his cap off, and
now STOPS on Sefton. He has seen the coffins. He has seen
the others take off their caps. He takes the cigar out of
his mouth, snuffs it out, puts it into his pocket, and slowly
pulls off his cap.
COOKIE'S VOICE
As for the stoolie, I just wish he
had German measles because when you
get the measles you break out all
over in red spots, and we could have
pegged him easy. As it was it could
have been anybody in our outfit --
Duke or Hoffy or Price or Goofy Joey
or Harry or the Animal or maybe
Sefton. Sergeant J.J. Sefton. I guess
it's about time I told you a few
more things about that Sefton guy.
If I was anything of a writer I'd
send it in to the Reader's Digest
for one of those 'Most Unforgettable
Characters You've Ever Met'...
DISSOLVE:
END OF SEQUENCE "B"
SEQUENCE "C"
EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)
A circle about 15 feet in diameter is drawn on the barren
ground with white lime. Around it, some forty G.I.s. In the
center, Cookie, holding a cardboard box. To one side, standing
on a wooden crate, Sefton. In front of him, a makeshift
bookie's desk, a heap of loose cigarettes on top. G.I.s are
crowding around, making wagers in cigarettes. Hanging off
one side of the desk, the odds board: NO. HORSE ODDS 1.
Whirlaway 3:1 2. Seabiscuit 5:1 3. Equipoise 1:1 4. Twenty
Grand 4:1 5. Schnickelfritz 10:1
COOKIE'S VOICE
...he was a B.T.O., Sefton was. A
Big Time Operator. Always hustling,
always scrounging. Take for instance
the horse races. Every Saturday and
Sunday he would put on horse races.
He was the sole owner and operator
of the Stalag 17 Turf Club. He was
the Presiding Steward, the Chief
Handicapper, the Starter, the Judge,
the Breeder and his own bookie. He
was the whole works, except that I
was the stable boy for ten smokes a
day.
SEFTON
Step up, boys! The horses are at the
post!
G.I.S
Five on Equipoise!
Give me Equipoise -- ten on the nose!
Two on Twenty Grand!
Schnickelfritz for me. Five smackers!
Equipoise -- one solid pack!
LAST G.I.
(an unkempt bum)
Five on Seabiscuit! Pay you when the
Red Cross parcels come in.
SEFTON
No credit.
UNKEMPT BUM
Have a heart, Sefton!
SEFTON
Sorry. It's against the rules of the
Racing Commission.
(calling out)
Already? Any more bets? Shake 'em
up, Cookie!
Cookie shakes the cardboard box, puts it face down on the
ground in the center of the circle.
SEFTON
Let 'er go! They're off and running
at Stalag 17!
Cookie has lifted the box. There are five mice of various
colors with numbers 1 to 5 attached to their backs. The mice
start spreading hesitantly in all directions.
The P.O.W.s YELL and SCREAM, rooting for their horses to
reach the circle line first.
Among the P.O.W.s Stosh and Harry. Stosh, with a bundle of
mutuel tickets in his hand, screaming his head off.
STOSH
Equipoise! Oh, you beauty! This way!
This way!
Equipoise, No. 3, pulls in front and is only a few feet from
the edge of the circle.
HARRY
Equipoise! Equipoise! What did I
tell you, Animal?
STOSH
Come on, baby! Daddy's going to buy
you a hunk of cheese!
Equipoise, now only a foot from the finish line, suddenly
stops and goes into a dizzy spin. The other mice gain rapidly.
STOSH AND HARRY
Straighten out, you dog! This way!
That's no horse -- that's a dervish!
Please! This way! Come to Daddy!
In a turmoil of SCREAMING G.I.s, Schnickelfritz passes
Equipoise, still spinning like a top, and crosses the line.
SEFTON
The winner is No. 5: Schnickelfritz!
Stosh grabs Harry.
STOSH
Schnickelfritz! I told you
Schnickelfritz! Why'd you make me
bet on Equipoise!
HARRY
I clocked him this morning. He was
running like a doll.
STOSH
(choking him)
You clocked him! Why don't I clock
you?
SEFTON
(calling out)
The next race will be a claiming
race for four months old and upward
which have not won since November
17th.
While Sefton pays off the winners, Cookie puts up a new odds
board. New bettors start lining up on the other side. Among
them, Harry and Stosh.
COOKIE'S VOICE
It's a good thing nobody ever asked
for a saliva test. Because I wouldn't
have put it past Sefton to stiff a
horse once in a while -- especially
when the betting was heavy.
DISSOLVE:
INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)
Near Sefton's bunk, the distillery is set up: a Rube Goldberg
contraption of old tin cans and a maze of piping, a margarine
lamp burning under the boiler. The whole thing SPUTTERS and
HISSES.
Behind a makeshift wooden shelf -- the bar -- stands Cookie,
pouring drinks for some eight customers, among them Harry
and Stosh, crocked. In Stosh's hand is the big Betty Grable
cheese-cake photo from his bunk.
COOKIE'S VOICE
Another one of his enterprises was
the distillery. Believe it or not,
he ran a bar right in our barrack,
selling Schnapps at two cigarettes a
shot. The boys called it the
Flamethrower, but it wasn't really
that bad. We brewed it out of old
potato peels and once in a while a
couple of strings off the Red Cross
parcels, to give it a little flavor.
STOSH
(in a crying jag)
It's not fair, Harry. I'm telling
you, it's not fair! She's been married
for over a year! My Betty! She had a
baby! Didn't you hear it on the radio!
HARRY
C'mon, Animal! Pull yourself together!
(off)
Hey, Cookie! Belt us again!
He pushes their little condensed milk cans, serving as
jiggers, across the bar, counts out four cigarettes.
STOSH
Look at her! Isn't she beautiful!
Married an orchestra leader!
HARRY
So what? There's other women!
STOSH
Not for me! Betty! Betty!
HARRY
Cut it out. Animal! I'll fix you up
with a couple of those Russian women!
STOSH
(sarcastically)
You'll fix me up!
HARRY
Sure, Animal! I'll get you over there!
STOSH
How? Pinky Miller from Barrack 8
tried to get over there and they
shot him in the leg!
HARRY
It takes a gimmick, Animal, and I
figured us a little gimmick.
STOSH
You did?
HARRY
(tapping his forehead)
Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp it's
frightening.
Cookie slides over the two tin jiggers. Harry picks them up,
hands one to Stosh.
HARRY
(toasting)
To the Brick Kremlin!
STOSH
(his eyes on the
cheesecake photo)
She'll never forgive me!
HARRY
Bombs away!
They both drink it down in one gulp, Harry holding his nose.
It's terrible stuff and hits them hard. Stosh goes into a
violent fit of coughing, pulling his barrack cap down over
his eyes.
HARRY
(to Cookie)
What are you serving today? Nitric
acid?
COOKIE
I only work here. Talk to the
Management.
He points to Sefton, who is taking inventory of the cigarettes
in his footlocker: cartons, packages, loose ones. He is
tabulating the amounts on a piece of paper.
HARRY
All right, Management. What are you
trying to do? Embalm us while we're
alive?
SEFTON
Exactly what did you expect for two
cigarettes? Eight year old Bottled-
In-Bond? All the house guarantees is
that you don't go blind.
(to Cookie)
Don't ever serve 'em again.
STOSH
Blind! Harry! Harry!
He staggers around, not realizing his cap is pulled down
over his eyes.
STOSH
Harry -- I'm blind!
HARRY
(pushing up his cap)
Blind? How stupid can you get, Animal?
I drank the stuff myself.
Suddenly he seems not to see too well himself. He gropes
around in panic.
HARRY
Animal! Animal! Where are you, Animal?
DISSOLVE:
INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)
A big telescope, about seven feet long, is set up on a tripod
at the window pointing toward the Russian Compound. The
telescope is made of various-sized cans soldered together.
It's run by Cookie, behind a table, piled with cigarettes
and chocolate bars. Bent down peering through the telescope,
panning it slowly, is a P.O.W. Across the barrack stretches
a long line of impatient customers, all the way to the open
door and out of it. Cookie taps the peeker to indicate his
time is up. The next in line pays his cigarette and peeks
COOKIE'S VOICE
The killer-diller, of course -- the
real bonanza -- was when Sefton put
up the Observatory. He scrounged
himself some high-powered Kraut lenses
and a magnifying mirror and got Ronnie
Bigelow from Barrack 2 to put the
whole shebang together for a pound
of coffee. On a clear day you could
have seen the Swiss Alps, only who
wanted to see the Swiss Alps? It was
about a mile away, that Russian
delousing shack, but we were right
on top of it. It cost you a cigarette
or a half bar of chocolate a peek.
You couldn't catch much through that
steam, but believe you me, after two
years in that camp just the idea
what was behind that steam sure
spruced up your voltage.
RUSSIAN DELOUSING SHACK - (THROUGH THE TELESCOPE)
About a dozen Russian women, wrapped only in blankets, waiting
in line. The telescope pans across a couple of windows. They
are completely steamed-up by the disinfecting vapors.
INT. BARRACK
The P.O.W. is glued to the telescope. Cookie taps him on the
shoulder.
COOKIE
Let's go! Thirty seconds to a
customer.
Without moving his eye from the telescope, the P.O.W. fishes
another cigarette from his pocket and gives it to Cookie.
Sefton stands at the open barrack door, a cold cigar in his
mouth. He surveys the landoffice business, both inside and
out, for beyond him a line of about forty more P.O.W.s
stretches into the compound.
P.O.W.
(from rear of line)
Hey, Sefton -- what's snarling up
the traffic? By the time we get to
look they'll be old hags!
SEFTON
Simmer down, boys. There'll be a
second show when they put the next
batch through.
Hoffy, Price and Duke come in from the compound. Hoffy cases
the situation and pulls Sefton to the side.
HOFFY
What's the big idea, Sefton? Take
that telescope out of here.
SEFTON
Says who?
HOFFY
Says me.
SEFTON
You take it out. Only you're going
to have a riot on your hands.
HOFFY
Every time the men get Red Cross
packages you have to think up an
angle to rob them.
PRICE
When the Krauts find that gadget
they'll throw us all in the boob.
SEFTON
They know about that gadget. I'd
worry more about the radio.
DUKE
I suppose they also know about your
distillery and the horseraces?
SEFTON
That's right.
DUKE
Just what makes you and them Krauts
so buddy-buddy?
SEFTON
Ask Security.
(to Price)
You tell him, Price. You've got me
shadowed every minute of the day. Or
haven't you found out yet?
PRICE
Not yet.
HOFFY
Answer the question. How do you rate
all those privileges?
SEFTON
I grease the Kraut guards. With ten
percent of the take.
DUKE
And maybe a little something else?
SEFTON
A little something what?
He strikes a match on Duke's dogtag and lights his cigar.
DUKE
(lunging at him)
Maybe a little information!
Hoffy and Price hold back Duke.
HOFFY
Break it off!
DUKE
How much more do we have to take
from him?
HOFFY
There'll be no vigilante stuff. Not
while I'm Barrack Chief.
From the window come excited shouts.
G.I. VOICES
Hey, look at them!
It's Harry and the Animal!
Look what they're doing!
Everybody in the barrack is dashing toward the window giving
out on the Russian Compound. Hoffy, Price, Duke, and Sefton
follow after.
The window is packed by G.I.s staring out. More crowding in.
G.I.S
Those crazy jerks!
They won't get away with it!
The Krauts will shoot them!
EXT. COMPOUND - (DAY)
This is Harry's little gimmick: He and Stosh are painting a
white line down the middle of the road leading towards the
Russian Compound. Stosh carries the bucket and Harry, moving
backwards, wields the brush. They are very close now to the
barbed wire fence dividing the compounds. A bespectacled
German guard is standing in front of his sentinel house.
They crouch as low as they can as they paint themselves
through the gate past the guard and up the road toward the
Russian delousing shack. The guard gives them a glance. It
looks okay to him. He starts stamping about at the open gate.
INT. BARRACK
G.I.s at the window, watching in great excitement.
G.I.S
They're past the fifty yard line!
Quarterback sneak!
Look at them go!
SIX G.I.S
(in chorus)
We want a touchdown! We want a
touchdown! We want a touchdown!
HOFFY
Those idiots! They'll paint themselves
into their graves!
EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND
Harry and Stosh are doing dandy as they paint up the highway.
Harry gets his bearings: the delousing shack is some twenty-
five feet off the road. He paints a very elegant turn off
the highway.
THE GATE BETWEEN THE COMPOUNDS
The German guard is stamping up and down. Suddenly he does a
double take as he sees:
EXT. RUSSIAN COMPOUND
The white line leading down the middle of the highway veers
off idiotically over the terrain towards the shack.
THE GERMAN GUARD
He stands there perplexed, then takes off after them.
EXT. DELOUSING SHACK
Harry and Stosh have now painted up to the window of the
shack. Without even stopping, they paint right up the wall
and around the window. As they paint, they peer in through
the thick steam (through which we cannot distinguish
anything). Now, they paint down the building on the other
side of the window and toward the doorway. Into their pathway
come the boots of the German guard. They paint right over
the boots. Then they see the butt of the guard's rifle. They
look at each other. They are in trouble. They stop painting
and straighten up slowly.
GERMAN GUARD
Was ist denn hier los? Sie sind
verhaftet!
Harry gives the guard's eye-glasses a couple of quick strokes
of paint. Dropping paint and brush, Stosh and he run like
mad back toward the gate.
The guard stands there struggling with his glasses.
The Russian women, huddled in blankets, giggle their heads
off.
FADE OUT:
END OF SEQUENCE "C"
SEQUENCE "D"
FADE IN:
INT. BARRACK 4 - (DAY)
About twenty P.O.W.s lazing about. The sack rats in their
bunks. Triz and Price playing chess, Joey looking on blankly.
Sefton, a towel around his neck, is sitting in a chair being
shaved by Cookie. Stosh, in his bunk, is carving a new ocarina
for Joey out of wood. CAMERA MOVES SLOWLY to:
The electric light bulb, hanging straight and innocent on
its wire.
COOKIE'S VOICE
Now let me see, what came next? Oh,
yes. Next came those new prisoners.
'Twas two days before Christmas when
all through the camp, not a creature
was stirring, not even that lamp.
MARKO'S VOICE
At ease! At ease!
Marko, carrying a handful of letters and a book, has entered,
followed by The Crutch.
MARKO
Mail call!
The whole barrack springs to life, everyone moving towards
Marko with whistles, screams and hoorays. Joey, who keeps
staring at the chess board. Sefton and Cookie go on with the
shave.
MARKO
At ease! At ease! First, the
Kommandant is sending every barrack
a little Christmas present. A copy
of Mein Kampf. In the words of Oberst
von Scherbach: 'Now that a German
victory is in sight, all American
prisoners are to be indoctrinated
with the teachings of der Fuehrer.
Unquote. In my own words:
(he lets go with a
belch)
Unquote.
He tosses the book into the air. Duke catches it.
DUKE
That's the wrong direction.
He flings it at Sefton. It sails past Sefton's head.
Cookie ducks. Sefton doesn't even bat an eyelash.
SEFTON
You must have been some tail gunner!
(to Cookie)
Go ahead, Cookie.
STOSH
Come on, let's get that mail. Anything
for Stanislaus Kuzawa?
MARKO
At ease! At ease!
As Marko calls out the names he hands out the letters. Some
of the men open them immediately. Others go to their bunks
to read.
MARKO
Martin. Shapiro. Price. Trzcinski.
McKay. Shapiro. Shapiro. Manfredi.
There is an awkward pause, then Marko puts Manfredi's letter
in his pocket.
MARKO
Shapiro. Musgrove. McKay. Peterson.
Cook.
Cookie comes up for his letter. So do Duke and Blondie. (Their
names are Musgrove and Peterson.)
MARKO
Pirelli. Coleman. Agnew. Shapiro.
STOSH
(in a little voice)
Nothing for Kuzawa?
MARKO
Shapiro. Shapiro.
STOSH
(to Harry)
Just what makes you so popular?
HARRY
(fanning the letters)
Frightening, isn't it? Fifty million
guys floating around back home and
all those dames want is Sugar-lips
Shapiro.
MARKO
McKay, Agnew. Here, Stosh.
He holds out a letter.
STOSH
(revitalized)
Yeah?
MARKO
Give this to Joey, will you?
STOSH
Oh.
Marko has now distributed all the letters.
MARKO
At ease! At ease! Here's a little
something from Father Murray. One to
each barrack.
He has knelt down in front of The Crutch and pulls out from
the empty pant's leg a little Christmas tree.
MARKO
And he says he wants you cruds to
cut out all swearing during Yuletide.
G.I.
How'd he get those trees?
MARKO
I don't know. Prayed, I guess. They
grew out of his mattress.
Marko sticks the tree into one of the margarine cans.
G.I.
What'll we use for decorations?
MARKO
For that you got to pray yourself.
He goes, followed by The Crutch.
Stosh sits next to Joey at the table, reading his letter to
him.
STOSH
'...and we do hope that you will
finish that last year of law school
when you come back home...'
(looks up at Joey)
Law school?! You don't want to be a
stinking lawyer with a stinking brief
case in a stinking office, do you,
Joey?
Joey just sits there. Stosh goes on reading.
STOSH
'...And do keep writing, son. Your
letters are very dear to us. With
all our love, Dad.' Here, Joey, take
it.
Joey doesn't move.
STOSH
It's from your Dad, Joey.
He shoves the letter into Joey's pocket.
STOSH
The next time we write to your folks,
Joey, you know what you're going to
say? You're going to say you don't
want to be a lawyer any more. You
want to be a musician -- like play
the flute, maybe -- eh, Joey?
There is a fleeting smile on Joey's face.
Triz, in his bunk, a crumpled letter in his hand, is mumbling
to hi